9/2/13 WWE Raw Recap

We start out with Triple H right in the middle of the ring already, with the three dudes of Shield guarding the front.

He introduces us to Randy Orton just in case we didn’t know by now who he was. Randy Orton saunters out.

Michael Cole tells us an unnamed WWE superstar termed this Triple H thing “The Reign of Terror”

Randy tells us protecting the company is his #1 responsibility. So if you disrespect him, you’re disrespecting the WWE. Crowd starts chanting “NO! NO! NO!” as Randy brings up Daniel Bryan. Crowd then erupts in a “YES!” chant. We mention the time Daniel Bryan spray painted his car. So we get a quick recap of last week’s Smackdown where Shield beat the holy old heck out of Bryan and made all the other superstars watch.

Orton is now going to play an Audience Participation Game. He asks the crowd if he should face Daniel Bryan. Overwhelming yes response. He says no. He asks if Daniel Bryan has a chance in hell to beat him. Crowd says yes; Randy says no. He asks if Daniel Bryan has a chance in the company. Crowd says yes; Orton again says no. He asks if Daniel Bryan should give up his title shot. Crowd says no; Orton says yes.

Triple H tells us we deserve the best. He says he also worries about the health and well-being of the talent, including one Daniel Bryan, and how he “keep getting himself into certain situations.” And then he tells us it’s the crowd’s fault for encouraging him.

He now more or less compares Daniel Bryan to Doink the Clown; they were very popular but never World Champion because it was bad for business. He says Bryan could compete for any other title, he would even bring back the cruiserweight championship.

And lo, here is Daniel Bryan.

He tells Orton and Triple H that they made a lot of good points and he’s thrilled to be compared to Doink the Clown. And the only clowns he sees are the ones in the ring right now.

He says Triple H gave up on being a man when he cut his hair and became a corporate sell-out.

He asks the crowd if he should give up his title match; overwhelming “No.” He says it’s the same answer to the question “Is Randy Orton more masculine than Stephanie McMahon?” (Which was also NO!)

Bryan has a nice speech about all the things he was told he couldn’t do; but all those things made him the man he is today. And Randy Orton will never understand that kind of existence because he was given everything. He says Orton and Triple H knows he can win that title, otherwise they wouldn’t have Shield dudes in the ring, and they would Hunter would just let them wrestle.

He has one last nice line about Orton having the DNA of a champion but not the heart of one, and then H interrupts him.

Triple H goes on and says that’s all very nice, angry little man, but your anger is misplaced. Apparently Daniel Bryan should be angry at the Big Show… and he’s going to be “kind” enough to let him take his anger out on him. Tonight. Bryan vs. Big Show. One on one. Geez.

We get a quick recap of last week’s Raw, with Heyman caning a handcuffed CM Punk.

Back from commercial with Hunter and Randy talking gleefully about Daniel Bryan. They pass Cody Rhodes. Hunter tries to make awkward small talk.  Cody says thinks the main event will be great… as long as no one gets involved. Hunter asks why anyone would get involved. Cody asks why avoid a match with Daniel Bryan,  just fight him. He gives Hunter the good old “With all due respect” and tells Hunter a Bryan/Orton match *IS* good for business. Hunter sort of snorts at him and asks him how HE would know what’s best for business. They ask about Cody’s wedding and says he made an Orton/Rhodes match. Bombshell: If Cody doesn’t win… he’s basically fired.

Match 1: Fandango vs. The Miz

Apparently these two are feuding now. Miz starts right out and gets a big freakin’ hip toss. Fandango slaps him and tries to dropkick off the top rope but Miz catches him. He tries for the figure four but Fandango wriggles loose and gets out of the ring. Miz follows him, slams him into the barrier and throws him back in. He takes a second to dance with Fandango’s pretty blonde dancing partner before trying for a pin. No go. He slams Fandango again and tries again, still nothing. He goes for a headlock, but Fandango gets up and manages to back Miz into the corner. The ref breaks it up.

He throws Miz into the opposite corner, Miz floats over and drops him with a clothesline. Miz gets a big kick in the face, tries for a cover but Fandango kicks out again. He goes back to the headlock, and we go to commercial.

We’re back to see Fandango dancing in the ring; apparently he’s in control. He throws Miz in corner and tries for a pin. Apparently when Miz kicked him in the face, he broke Fandango’s nose. Fandango continues fighting like a boss. The blond girl slaps Miz on the face as he’s hung out of the ropes. Miz starts fighting back, tries to charge but gets kicked in the face. Fandango tries to sit on the turnbuckle and Miz basically throws him off. He goes for the figure four but Fandango kicks him away. He tries for the running clothesline but Fandango dodges and Miz goes full on into the turnbuckle. He drops Miz and tries to throw him in the middle of the ring. Out of nowhere Miz gets the leg lock in and Fandango taps immediately.

Back from commercial to see Daniel Bryan in the locker room approached by Booker T, who is very insistent on talking to him. Booker says Bryan shouldn’t “rage against the machine” and is too good to be wrestling in gyms and armories… he could have a very good career in the WWE… if he just, you know, gave up that whole “wanting to be world champion” thing. He just doesn’t want Bryan to get hurt. Bryan leaves in silence.

Another recap of last week; Curtis Axel vs. CM Punk with Heyman at the top of the ramp. He was supposed to get his hands on Heyman, but Axel low-blowed him and that’s how it happened with the handcuffs and the caning and the chair and all that.

Match 2: Dolph Ziggler vs. Ryback

Ziggler gets into the ring anticipating a surprise match and is utterly blindsided by Dean Ambrose who essentially beats the crap out of him and hangs him on the turnbuckle.

Ryback comes out.

Ziggler struggles to his feet. Ryback charges and he manages to get an elbow into his face, but Ryback throws him over in a huge belly to belly suplex. He punches the dropped Ziggler around the head, rips his shirt off and stands on his neck. He pulls Ziggler up by the hair and throws him halfway across the ring. He stomps Ziggler some more, and Ziggler tries to get up. Ryback throws him down. Drags him up, throws him into the turnbuckle. Ziggler rolls around and gets to his feet; Ryback charges and Ziggler gets him in a huge dropkick. He gets Ryback into the corner, lays some huge hits on him but Ryback comes back with a huge clothesline and then hits a nasty Shell Shock, and Ziggler is down for the count.

Ah, the prevailing theory is that this match is “punishment” for what Ziggler said about Triple H after Summerslam.

Brad Maddox interrupts Hunter and Stephanie talking to announce that the Big Show is refusing to fight Daniel Bryan. Stephanie goes “Oh I got this” and saunters off to talk to him.

On the other side of the commercial, she comes out to the ring. She talks about growing up backstage and then she brings out Big Show. They have a nice little hug moment. She tells him he taught her that it was okay to do things you don’t want to do, as long as you pay the price. Apparently Big Show is flat out broke. I like how she’s just waving all this dirty laundry around the ring. She’s holding this over his head in order to make him wrestle Daniel Bryan. Then she brings his career into this; “How much longer can you do this? What other jobs can you even DO?”

So basically she’s guilting him into fighting Daniel Bryan. And now she’s all “Giants don’t live as long as other people. This is about your FAMILY, Show.”

Wow.

And then she hugs him, after she gives him the “This hurts me more than this hurts you” schtick. Wow.

She walks off as Show stands in the middle of the ring looking really… really sad.

Sweet, Edge is gonna be on Raw next week!

During the break a sad Big Show stalked the backstage and then destroyed things as techs ran for cover.

Match 3: Heath Slater and Jinder Mahal vs. Darren Young and Titus O’Neill

Drew Mac is also ringside, but not in the match. Starts out with Titus and Slater. Slater ducks out of a lockup, lands a quick punch. Titus is not happy and manages to back Heath into the corner and stomps him while blowing a whistle, because… okay. Young is tagged in. They both throw some elbows and Young tries to pin, but Slater kicks out. Slater backs Young into his corner and tags in Mahal. They fight back to the middle and Mahal is firmly in control at least until Young gets an elbow into his face and drops him. Drew Mac tries to hop on the side but Young smacks him down. Mahal drops Young hard on his back on the top roels and tags Slater back in. They stomp him and Slater chokes him in the ropes. He drags Young to the middle and keeps him down with a solid chokehold.

Young fights up and elbows free. Heath lands a neckbreaker but Young fights up. Mahal tags back in, drops several big knees on Young before choking him. Slater back in again. He chokes Young on the ropes before going back for a headlock. Young is still fighting and gets free. Slater kicks him in the gut and charges him and Young hits a huge belly to belly out of nowhere. They’re both down on the ground. Young and Slater tag in respecting partners and Titus keeps Jinder down with a bunch of clotheslines before hitting a big back slam on Jinder. He does his seal noise and gets a big boot into Mahal before going for a cover. Heath breaks it up at the last second.

Young throws Slater out of the ring, onto Drew Mac and Titus hits a huge, ginormous slam on Mahal and it’s done.

Back from commercial to see Brad Maddox on the phone. Heyman creeps behind him and tells Maddox to call him, whoever he’s on the phone, back. Heyman is not happy with last week’s match stipulations. He says if CM Punk got his hands on Heyman, there would be no Heyman. He asks if that’s best for business.

And there is Triple H. “Best for business? Sounds like my cue!” He sends Maddox away and says he approved that match. Heyman respectfully inquires why he would do that.

Hunter says he’s a big fan. He likes how Heyman has weaseled himself out of all sorts of precarious situations, and he doesn’t see any weasley-outs in this match at Night of Champions. Hunter basically wants Punk to beat the heck out of Heyman.

Now we have a nice creepy little Bray Wyatt video. We’re getting a history lesson by way of Greek Mythology, namely Icarus and the sun melting his wings. I believe it’s a metaphor for Kane. Wyatt says Kane allowed his pride to cloud his common sense. Kane made his bed and now he’s burning in it.

Match 4: Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton

They lock up. Orton backs Cody into the corner and lands some serious elbows. Cody manages to get out and land a couple of his own elbows and kicks Orton into the corner. Orton gets out and drops him with a huge clothesline and then drops him on the top rope. He then throws Cody out of the ring, and tries to slam his head unto the steel steps but Cody turns it around on him and smashes Randy in the head. He throws Orton back in and tries for a cover but it doesn’t take. He keeps Randy down with a headlock.

Orton fights his way up and Orton headbuts him. He tries to come off the ropes but Cody knocks him down with a nice dropkick. Cody goes for a cover but it doesn’t stick. Orton crawls away and Cody backs him into the corner. He Irish Whips Orton and nails a solid headlock. He’s keeping Orton down pretty well so far. Orton comes back with a smack to the face, tries for a cover, and when it doesn’t hold, smacks Cody in the chest.

He stomps Cody’s head. He pulls Cody up, kicks him in the stomach and gets him in the turnbuckle and punches him in the head. The ref tries to get them apart. They end up in the middle of the ring and Cody gets a fairly decent slam before getting Orton in the corner and landing a ten punches (the crowd counted!) but then Randy gets this crazy backbreaker in the corner and Cody slithers out of the ring.

Cody seems to have survived that backbreaker because he’s beating the crap out of Orton outside of the ring. Orton slides back in the ring and out the other side.  Cody follows him out after a moment and Orton drops Cody back-first onto the barricade. He rolls Cody back in and he tries for a cover but Cody still kicks out. He punches Cody in the head and drops a big knee. Cody kicks out again, Orton goes for the headlock. Apparently all the wrestlers are watching backstage.

Cody fights up and elbows his way free. Orton throws Cody into the corner and Cody kicks him in the chest before flying out of the corner with a clothesline and a big elbow. He gets a beautiful top-rope dropkick on Orton and Orton STILL kicks out. He gets another big beautiful kick and Orton kicks out AGAIN.

Cody goes for the moonsault but that spot was super awkward because Orton was on his feet and out of the way already. He goes for a cover to, well, cover that awkwardness. He then lands the DDT on Cody and then does his crazy viper Orton thing. He goes for the RKO but Cody gets up out of nowhere and hits the CrossRhodes, but ORTON KICKS OUT AGAIN.

Orton grabs the ropes and Cody tries to pull him in, but he doesn’t let go. He grabs Cody over the ropes and chokes him, he stumbles back, tries to cover Cody. Cody misses a kick, Orton lands the RKO like a boss and Cody stays down.

Orton makes his slow way up the ramp and there is Triple H waiting. He says Cody went all-in and he fought with all his heart. He says he respects Cody… buuuuut… it’s business. Of course. He fires Cody, right there, in front of God and the whole arena and everyone. Cody sits down hard, the poor thing.

He slowly walks his way up the ramp, partially selling a knee hurt and partially out of sad, as we go to commercial.

CM Punk walks out with a kendo stick of striking similarity to the one used on him last week.

He starts out by saying “I Promise”… says those words might not mean anything to a lot of people anymore, but those words mean a lot to him.  He promises no more empty threats. He says he’s dressed and ready to wrestle but wrestling is the furthest thing from his mind. He wants to fight. And if he has to fight Curtis Axel fight Paul Heyman, he would. He would invite them out, but he knows they will not come.

He announces a biblical ass-beating at Night of Champions.

He guarantees he’s going to get past Curtis Axel and he guarantees that he will get his hands on Paul Heyman. He says if we order Night of Champions we’re gonna see a side of CM Punk we’ve never seen before. And if Paul Heyman said he broke his heart, Punk says he’s gonna break Paul Heyman’s face.

And he ends it with “I Promise.”

Daniel Bryan backstage pumping up for his match. There is Big Show. Show apologizes for having to do this match; he doesn’t want to but he’s under a lot of pressure. Bryan says he’s gonna beat Show tonight. Okay.

Match 5: Brie Bella vs. Natalya vs. Naomi 

AJ skips out to watch at ringside.

Naomi gets out with a big kick. Natalya tries for a cover, but no. Brie tries to get Naomi in a cover, but that doesn’t work so she turns to Natalya, but Nat fights back. Brie kicks Naomi off the ropes and then knees Natalya in the face. Naomi comes back with a choke and tries to Sunset Flp her but Natalya throws Brie over the ropes. Nat tries to get Naomi in a lock and suddenly Brie comes off the top ropes, Natalya catches her and tries to cover her but Naomi gets her in a cover and then AJ runs into the ring and it’s basically a Diva free for all chaos brawl of a match.

AJ gets the heck kicked out of her by the other Divas, including the ones just watching at ringside.

Ricardo Rodriguez is now apparently Rob Van Dam’s personal ring announcer.

Match 6: RVD vs. Damian Sandow

Sandow gets RVD in the corner. He charges but RVD comes out of the corner with a sideways kick. He tries for something that might’ve been a ‘rana but Sandow just tosses him off. He tries for a cover, but RVD kicks out. He kicks RVS while he’s down. RVD tries a weird leg cover that doesn’t work.

Sandow keeps RD down in a headlock but he fights up. He slams RVD back down, kicks him a few times. Tries to slam his face into the turnbuckle but RVD gets a leg up and kicks him.

Suddenly Del Rio’s music hits. While he’s distracted, Sandow hit’s RVD in the back and he tumbles out of the ring.

Sandow has RVD in a headlock when we come back from commercial. He picks him up and drops him on his back, tries for a cover, but he kicks out. Back to the headlock, and he fights up again. Sandow hits a neckbreaker, another cover, no go. RVD gets up out of nowhere with the spin kick.

RVD lashes out with some half-hearted kicks and hits, when Sandow gets him off his feet with a legsweep. Another pair of covers that don’t work.

RVD gets up and elbows abound, when Sandow drops him on the middle rope. Hits him on the back of the neck, another cover, RVD kicks out again. A neckbreaker… another cover… nope. Some back and forth, RVD tries a schoolboy rollup but Sandow gets out. He tries a Rolling Thunder and then sets up for the Five Star, but Sandow sneaks him into a cover, which doesn’t take.

RVD gets the Five Star Frog Splash and Sandow is down for the count. Del Rio and RVD stare at each other.

During the break, Naomi and Natalya and Brie are talking to Stephanie about who the #1 contender for the Diva title is… Stephanie decides all of them will fight AJ.

Here is freshly fired Cody backstage. Josh Mathews asks if Cody has any parting words for the WWE. He says Randy beat him fair and square. He says they put his father in polka dots and made him dance, put his brother, who he loved, in gold paint, and he was never the same again. They ask if he has any words for his fiance. He walks away.

All the wrestlers file out to the top of the ramp, presumably to watch the upcoming Daniel Bryan/Big Show match.

Match 7: Daniel Bryan vs. Big Show

Show tells Bryan he doesn’t want to do this. The bell rings and he doesn’t move. Bryan goes at him and Show slaps him down. Bryan comes after him again and show grabs his head and says “Don’t make me do this!” Bryan continues to fight and Show throws him out of the rng. He takes a second and then crawls back in, knocks Show’s feet from under him and kicks him down. He tries for a cover but Show basically throws him off.

Bryan gets a huge dropkick at Show in the corner. Tries to do it again, gets a boot in his face for his trouble. Show lands a great number of chops on poor Bryan. Takes him to the middle of the ring and drops him in a  huge back slam.

Most of the wrestlers at ramp-side look bored.

Bryan tries to get some offense, lands some kicks, but Show elbows him down. Show keeps telling him to stop. Bryan keeps fighting, and Show throws him down again. Lands one in the gut of Daniel Bryan.

Bryan dropkicks his feet from under him again. Starts throwing some kicks into Show’s chest. Show grabs his leg but he kicks him down again. Tries another cover, but nope.

Bryan gets to the top rope, tries an elbow and Show basically spears him down flat. Show gets the KO ready but he looks reluctant. He starts to climb out of the ring but Hunter’s music hits and he comes out with Shield.

Hunter tells him to get back in the ring. Show says No and walks away, up the ramp. Shield gets in the ring and decimates Bryan.

Show gets back in the ring and tries to break it up, I think, but Hunter stops him. He tells Show to think about his family. Called Show by his real name; stuff’s getting real now.

Triple suplex on Bryan. Show is very emotional now. Hunter tells Show to knock Bryan out, he has to do it for his family. Reigns is holding Bryan by the arms. Show says NO and exits the ring again. He starts walking away, and now Stephanie is walking out. She tells him to think about his family. She starts walking Show back towards the ring. Reigns gets Bryan back up by the arms. Hunter tells him again to knock out Daniel Bryan. He turns towards Hunter with the fist but Stephanie steps in front of him.

He goes to leave the ring again but turns around and hits Bryan. He collapses on the ropes, incredibly emotional. They tell him he did the right thing, and then walk with him back up the ramp. He turns to look at poor little crumpled Bryan and then RKO’s music hits.

RKO takes a second to glare at Show and continues past him, Hunter and Stephanie, towards the ring. Orton slides in th ring and looks at Bryan, who is still very small and very crumpled. He turns Bryan over on his back. He puts a foot on Bryan and raises the belt over his head.