Live Talk ‘N Shop A Mania PPV Report
Join us Tonight for live updates from Talk ‘N Shop A Mania!
The show starts off with Karl Anderson addressing tonight’s show. Doc Gallows and Rocky Romero are also in attendance and chiming in. Anderson advises the listeners that this show may be best suited with a cold adult beverage. They tell the audience this cinematic show will be a spectacle.
The show starts with The Hot Asian Wife playing in the yard, threatening to take her bikini off. Anderson stops her. They jump in their truck and end up at Gallows home, which appears to be in a rural area. Once there, Rocky, Gallows and Anderson all agree that this show will suck. They walk into the wooded backyard and Teddy Long is there to say he is better be getting paid. Long used very colorful language. That will be the norm on this show. They make their way to a ring, where Dave Penzer is in the ring.
The three are now at ringside to make the call. Chavo joins the team for the first match.
Match 1. Social Distancing Battle Royal
Roman Roselli and Thin Brian Knobbs and some guy dressed as a cub scout, have all been eliminated by Freight Train! Stang, yes Stang, and Mike Bennett hit the ring. Bennett eliminates himself and Laser (not Glazier.) Brian Pillman Jr is in the ring. Pillman and some corporal have an actually series of moves. Corporal is eliminated. Alex Kozlov enters the battle royal. He enters the ring and lights up a smoke. Kozlov’s bearded mother enters and eliminates Train and Pillman, then Kozlov. Chico enters and eliminates Kozlov’s mom.
Winner.. Chico the Luchador
Kozlov is interviewed after the match. He starts badmouthing his mother who then attacks him. Very colorful language.
Sexy Ferguson (Gallows) is shown driving on a golf cart.
Match 2. Frankie Coverdale VS Nature Boy Paul Lee
Paul Lee shows up in an old Vette with Woooooooo across the windshield. He is in full Nature Boy gear. Maria is shown dancing in a bikini. Then they pan to a large women in a bikini. This guy doing every Ric Flair mannerism in the book. He is blown up before he gets to the ring. lol. The announcing for the PPV is hilarious.
Natch spends the first 5 minutes posing for all the trees in the backyard. Frankie puts on a waist lock that gets reversed. Frankie bails the ring and just takes off. He just keeps running to a pond.
Chico was apparently declared champion of Talk ‘N Shop. He has a belt. He is talking bad about Chavo. Chavo is then seen trying to shoot him with a bb gun. He misses. Chico wants a match.
Back to the match, Natch has on a headlock Frankie outside the ring. He is Woooooing again… a lot. In what makes perfect sense in this PPV, we go to the next match.
Match 3. Hardcore Match. George North VS Stump Kowalski (a short person with a nerf kendo stick)
Stump chases him outside hitting him with the stick. He then misses wildly and George sells it like it killed him. Rocky, Gallows and Anderson bust out laughing at this spot.
They go to an add for their sponsors and thank them. They thank them for making this terrible dream a reality.
The Rock N Roll Express are at the pool watching the fight as it continues. Then they go in the house. Brian Myers is shown playing with a child and action figures. One of the kids kicks North to the ground. From there Stump pounds on North on the floor. Stump can finally reach his face.
Meanwhile Sex Ferguson (Gallows) is shown outside walking up to a car. Scott D’Amore gets out and looks at Ferguson and says, this is not who we paid for!!
Teddy Long is introduced to the ring. He comes out with a mask on that says Playa. As soon as he gets in the ring he takes off the mask and stands next to Penzer. This made me laugh. He was completely alone wearing the mask, but took it off when he was a foot from Penzer.
Match 4. The 80s Russians VS The Jungle Kittens
The Russians use power moves in the beginning, but the Kittens fight back with some terrible offense of their own. This match is terrible because they are actually trying to work a real match. The Hollofs go over with with a Sickle.
Winner the 80s Russians
Teddy Long says this isn’t the 80’s. It is the 90’s!
Lodi and Sick Boy enter with Ron Riess. The Flock attack the Russians and the Jungle Kittens. They take everyone out. D’Lo Brown enters and hits a D’Lo Bomb on Lodi. He celebrates. Rhino enters and takes out the Russians again. Brian Pillman Jr. enters and takes out the Jungle Kittens again. Kimchee enters and can’t take anyone out because they are all still down. Chavo enters and hits Kimchee with Pepe the horse. He then hits a Frog Splash. The announcing is better than the match. Willie Mack runs in and hits everyone with a Stunner. He came out to the broken glass ala Stone Cold. Finally a Kitten member fights back, but Chavo makes the save and hits the 3 Amigos. Karl Anderson goes to the ring with beers. Mack and Chavo share a few cold ones until Mack lays out Chavo with the mid section kick and stunner combo.
Scott D’Amore is now being addressed by Chad Too Badd. (Karl Anderson) Anderson says, I’m not Too Badd. I’m Karl Anderson! He tells D’Amore that he wants a singles push and screw Gallows. Where is the contract? D’Amore is on the phone the entire time, but tells whomever he is speaking with, Anderson is the brains of the team.
Back at the announce table, the guys are trying to figure out which match was the worst so far on the show.
Match 5. Grudge Match.. Rory Fox VS ……
All the guys can talk about is the size of his Johnson. It is very pronounced in his tights. Fox calls out Matt Cordona for burying him 10 years earlier. Brian Myers comes out and says he has someone else to take his place. Swoggle Ryder. Myers is spoofing the Zack Ryder music and singing to it.
Swoggle bites the backside of Fox to start the match. Fox fights back and legit looks like he is killing Swoggle. Myers comes in and rips Fox’s head off with a clothes line. Fox gets up and walks to the corner, where Myers is ready to Rocket Launch Swoggle off the top rope. (Honestly he handed him to Fox.) Fox stands and waits for Myers to hand him, which made everyone laugh. The Swoggle splash gets the win.
Winner Swoggle Ryder
Post match Swoggle rips the tights off Fox revealing a black man thong. Gallows and Anderson marvel at his manhood as they laugh and Fox runs off laughing wildly. This was hilarious.
George North is shown being shoved down a water slide backwards by Stump Kowalski. The Hardcore match ends with Doc Gallows declared as the loser because he booked it.
Mean while Nature Boy, Paul V is still working a side headlock in the shallow end of the pool on Frankie Coverdale.
Chico the Luchador is shown in a gym getting a work out. Chavo sneaks in to spot him. Chavo starts choking him with the barbell. Chico calls for a referee.
Match 6. Chavo VS Chico
Chavo immediately traps him in a sauna and tells him he looks like he is retaining water. Chavo starts making fun of his mom. Chico breaks out of the sauna and they start fighting with a medicine ball. They stop to pay respect to their Grandfathers. Then they start fighting again. Chavo rolls him up for the pin.
Winner and New Champion. Chavo.
Chavo celebrates with the belt. He tells Chico he is still going to kill him, but not until he goes home and has sex all over the belt. Chico says how dare you do that to his championship. Chad Too Badd comes out with a beer for Chavo to have. Chavo keeps calling it the 24/7 Championship. Chad takes the belt to give Chavo the beer, but then hits him with it and rolls him up for the win.
Match 7. Chad Too Badd VS Chavo. Winner and New Talk ‘N Shop Champion, Chad Too Badd
David Penzer calls Chad the new Talk ‘N Shop Champion. I guess that is the name. LOL. Chad looks at the belt impressed with what he has done. You can faintly hear Anderson calling in the background, when a booker wins the title.. what a mark.
Sorry for the delay. The Fite app is having technical difficulties.
Enzo walks to the ring. Nobody announces him, not even Penzer. He says he is happy to there. He says Gallows is going to lose all the money he put into this show. Enzo is going off about dildos in the main event. He said he got screwed being there. He is losing money too. Gallows is heard laughing hysterically. Enzo throws the mike and walks off.
Natch is shown with the headlock on, but Frankie reverses it, only to be attacked by an Elvis impersonator. That guy is known as Vernon Love. Love goes in for some action on the heavy bikini lady, but is attacked by another guy in an Elvis outfit. It is Brian Myers. LOL. Then another Elvis guy superkicks Myers. This costume is better and his name is Pelvis Presley. It is clearly Heath Slater, who was already Stang earlier in the card. Slater Elvis then starts doing the Rick Rude dance for the heavy bikini lady. You can’t make this up. Myers comes back any says he needs the payday.
Apparently this is another match. Match 8. Vernon Double Cock Punches (yes that is what they called it) both guys and makes out with the heavy lady and is said to be the winner of the Championship Contract in a Tree Match.
They were making this stuff up as they went. I was laughing and it was very hard to keep up at this point.
A white hearse pulls up. Dave Penzer sets up the Main Event. The Boner Yard Match
Match 9. The Boner Yard Match. Chad Too Badd VS Sexy Ferguson for the Talk ‘N Shop Championship
Druids come to the hearse and pull out a coffin. They drop it and we hear screams. Chad Too Badd crawls from the box cussing and telling the idiots to go back in the woods. He says he was trying to have a moment.. This is the funniest moment of the show so far. He looks around and says this isn’t so scary.
Music plays. A guy starts singing a song for Sexy Ferguson. This song is about drinking and having sex. Out comes Sexy in his golf cart. He appears to be half drunk. Chad pulls him off the cart by his ears. Sexy tells him he is hurting him. They are talking to each other in southern wrasslin’ voices and doing all kinds of silly things. The back and forth banter has loads of inside terms. Mike Bennett makes a cameo and makes fun of Sexy. They threaten to tell his wife he is there and he runs off. They find AJ’s arm on a broken table and they ask why he didn’t save their job in NY. Then Rory Fox runs from the woods, still in his thong. He is looking for his trunks. Chad kicks Sexy and tells him off for booking Fox. Sexy fights back and says you will rest in fesses. They throw each other into everything, eventually Chad gains the advantage. Maria Kanellis shows back up in a bikini and Chad sees her. He breaks character and becomes Karl Anderson, who once was infatuated with her in NJPW. He starts doing a dance for her. LOL. They are doing the salsa and he is trying to act like a latin lover. She is dancing for him now. He is talking to her like he is hispanic and saying any Spanish word he can come up with. Sexy sneaks up behind him and cracks him over the back with AJ’s arm. Chad crumbles and Sexy looks to Maria, who tells him she has babies. She said why am I even here? Sexy says, because he booked you. Maria storms off. Sexy then goes back on the attack with the arm of AJ. (The hand even has on AJ’s glove) Sexy is acting like the Undertaker now. Just then we notice Brian Myers and Heath Slater on a couple chase lounges with a few beers. Sexy Ferguson asks who booked you too as he sets up Chad for a Snake Eyes. Chad breaks the hold, and tries to throw him in something. Sexy then fights back and gets the arm again. The Rock N Roll Express walk up and ask him what the bleep he is doing? They leave to go to the merch table. The druids come back and surround Chad and Sexy. They are now back to back and appear to realize the druids are there to get them both. They agree to do this together one last time. They attack the druids together. A second later they are dancing, celebrating they could still work together. Suddenly, Chad superkicks Sexy! He says he is the star of the show. They end up at the merch table and Enzo is trying to buy some RNR Express merch. Sexy punts Enzo threw the table. We then see Chad and Sexy talking about how the RNR can get a merch table anywhere, even a Boner Yard Match. LOL. Sexy calls a timeout. Johnny Swinger walks up and is doing his trademark laugh at the camera. He is in full ring attire. Sexy Ferguson accuses Swinger of stealing his gimmick. Swinger says Sexy is a Hugh Morris rip off. Sexy is furious. Chad cheap shots Sexy and asks Swinger why he is there. Swinger says for the payday. Chad says he didn’t book him. Sexy takes a punch and falls on the crotch of Heath. Heath said he spilled his last beer. Chad says he is a karate man now. Sexy fights back and throws him on Myers crotch. They say loads more inside stuff. They fight to the mound of mulch.
Chico runs across the area and tells Chavo not to kill him and then runs. Chavo chases him with a giant knife.
Some guy in a Wolfman mask shows up from the grave and gets hit by Chad with a pan. Chad throw Sexy at the hearse. They both go to the top of the car. Again the back and forth verbal jousting is hilarious, but not for kids. They fight on the roof top and Sexy sets up Chad for a Tombstone. Chad’s crotch is in the face of Sexy, and at the right moment he.. well .. breaks wind. Sexy looks horrified and drops Chad on his head.
Then we go to a dream sequence from when they had a contract signing with AEW. The are knocking on the hotel room of the Young Bucks. The Bucks are walking to the hotel door, calling them names and saying they are probably drunk. Even though the Bucks seem to hate them, they let them in. The Bucks throw them a huge offer to work for AEW and they say they have their backs. They give each other the Too Sweet. Gallows and Anderson say they have a huge deal on the table with Hunter, but they agree to make the jump to AEW. The Bucks say they will be with the Inner Circle. Just then Triple H texts them an even better deal and they recant on accepting the offer. The Bucks are furious. They Superkick them and tell them they will end up in TNA. Gallows and Anderson are destroyed on the floor.
Back to the Boner Yard Match.. They sit up and face each other and laugh. Then Chad punches Sexy in the face. Sexy gets thrown from the top of the car and gives an evil laugh. Sexy picks him up and says he is going to bury him alive. Chad hits him with a pan and Sexy falls in the grave. They still continue to talk to each other while Chad dumps dirt on him. Chad is handed the belt and jumps in Sexy’s golf cart and drives off.
Winner Chad Too Badd.
Sexy Ferguson emerges from the grave with a Jason Mask on… To Be Continued..
The show ends with that comment on the screen. This show will be a cult classic.