Nikki Bella On Reopening Old Wounds For New Book, Filming This Season Of Total Bellas

May 18, 2020 - by James Walsh

Nikki Bella spoke about telling the painful moments of her past in her and Brie’s new book and more during the twins’ interview with Digital Spy. You can check out highlights below:

On if she was worried about covering painful topics in the book: “For me, I had some painful moments. Even when we started writing this two-and-a-half years ago with a ghost writer, there were things I hid away for 20 years and just never wanted to speak about. I realized I had all this guilt and shame and pain, but then I realized my story can truly help girls in high school and college and women in their 20s and 30s and beyond. I thought even though I had to relive this pain, not only did it help me, it’s going to help all these other people. I wish I had someone in high school I could have looked up to that said, “They’re talking about it. They’re releasing what happened to them.” It’s sad that for 20 years I carried all this pain and guilt and shame. I don’t want anyone to have to go through that.”

On the feedback the book has been getting: “I will say we’ve been getting such amazing feedback. It has truly been incredible. When Brie and I wanted to write this memoir, we said we didn’t want to write an autobiography; we wanted our reader, when they shut that last page of the book, to take something from it. Whether it’s self-help, empowerment or encouragement, we want people to not be victims of their own story. We want them to be heroes of their story. For myself, there is a small little fan base in wrestling that already hates me. I think I was shocked by the cruelty of how they were for some stories. But you don’t mess with our Bella Army [fans] because they protect us like no other. I was so proud of how they jumped on these people. I think I was shocked because no matter how you feel about a certain person, when they go through pain, you don’t ever speak about it in ways that people have been speaking about me. I would never laugh at them or say cruel things about what happened to them. That’s life.”

On the more personal nature of this season of Total Bellas: “It is always tough, but I think what has helped Brie and I always stay open is the people who relate to it. I can’t be the girl who goes on TV to be the person I’m not. The reason I do reality TV is so that person sitting on the couch tuning in can feel they’re not alone. I want them to say, “I felt this way for so long, but if she can do it—if she can become who she is, so can I.” Being in a new relationship, falling in love so fast and people having their opinions about it, it was difficult to show. I feel like this season I really learned a lot about myself with issues I was carrying from my childhood and was bringing into my relationships. I can’t tell you how much work I’ve done on myself since this past season. It’s crazy how you keep growing and evolving. ”

On Artem Chigvintsev’s involvement with the show: “Even though Artem was on Dancing with the Stars, it was mainly about the pros. He is a very private person, so it has been a difficult adjustment for him. He is watching with the viewers every week for the first time, too. Artem hasn’t seen anything. He may be like, “Oh my God!” At the same time he loves and supports me. I think what makes this season really good too is you’re watching someone who is just so pure, raw and real. He is going through this with these fresh eyes for the first time. I think having open communication has helped us get through this. I also think when you date me, you know what you’re getting into. I have no filter. I put everything out there. I’m so sorry. That’s who I am and can’t hide it. “

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