5/15/15 Impact Wrestling Recap

The show opens with a recap of Eric Young vs. Kurt Angle for the world title from last week. Tonight, Team Angle vs. Team Young in a hardcore war is advertised.

Segment Number 1- Mike Tenay joins Josh Matthews at the broadcast location. Great to see as Tenay is one of the better announcers in the business and while I like Josh, he needs a competent broadcast partner instead of being by himself. Kurt Angle comes down to ringside with Chris Melendez. After praising Melendez and talking about his sacrifice for this country, Angle tells the crowd that Melendez will be his teammate in the match tonight.Angle calls the Rising down (Wasn’t that a Bruce Springsteen song?). He asked them to be on his team tonight and Galloway excepts. This brings out Eric Young. He looks mad. When does he not? EY cries about Bully Ray coming back last week to ref and how Kurt “stacked the deck” and that he cannot beat EY one on one. Kurt then says he will fight EY in an “I Quit Match” at some point. (Yes, “at some point”. Next week, week after, 2018, who knows.)  The BDC then attacks Angle and his team from behind while they’re distracted by Young. There’s a huge brawl and we see Young going after Angle. Bobby Lashley, or Lashley as the announcers say (did Vince copyright that too?) storms out and spears Young. Lashley is officially on Team Angle! Team Young quickly retreats.

We see Brooke and Rebel stretching for their match with The Dollhouse next. Pure hotness. The WWE Divas cannot hold a candle to the TNA Knockouts. 

Match Number 1- Brooke and Rebel vs. Marti Belle and Jade

Taryn is with Marti and Jade. The Dollhouse attack Brooke and Rebel as they are making their way up the ramp and all the women brawl. (Cue Joey Styles CAT FIGHT CAT FIGHT.) The match starts officially with Belle and Rebel in the ring, with Belle using a balanced attack on Rebel before she tags in Jade who continues the assault with some hard kicks. Rebel fights back with some kicks and manages to get a two count before Belle breaks it up. Jade hits some punches then tags in Belle. Rebel manages to hit a clothesline before tagging in Brooke. Jade goes for the powerbomb but Brooke counters and hits the X Factor. She tags Rebel who goes up top but misses. Brooke and Rebel are then hit with double choke slams. Dollhouse cover Rebel for the win in a women’s match that will be better than any women’s match you will see for the next month on RAW or SmackDown. 

Taryn cuts a post match promo. She teases something with Gail Kim later tonight (no you horndogs, she isn’t teasing that!)

Segment Number 2- (Backstage)- MVP tells Eric Young backstage that Homicide will not be in the match tonight but that he and the BDC have someone else lined up. Hmmmmm

Segment Number 3-  EC3 and Brodus Clay (OH NO, nobody call his mama) Tyrus I mean, come out. EC3 says he represents everyone’s hopes and dreams. Carter notes that he should be the Number 1 contender for the world title since he won last week and Young lost. Carter says this is ridiculous and a conspiracy theory (But isn’t his Aunt the owner, how is this a conspiracy?) and says he’ll call Obama to complain (Maybe Obama can buy TNA?). Mr. Anderson (Yeah, that old Mr. Kennedy guy from Green Bay) is out with a chair and says he wants to fight him tonight. Carter is about to walk out but Ken says he’s got it cleared and if he defeats Tyrus he gets Carter in a rematch. Carter is unwilling but Anderson baits Tyrus into the match with insults. Tyrus loses it and goes after him. And we are off with WWE Star vs. WWE Star. 

Match Number 2- Ken Anderson vs. Tyrus

Anderson starts off strong with some punches and lays in a few kicks, Tyrus then phones his mama and is able to battle back with punches. Tyrus misses a clothesline and Anderson tries to capitalize but is then hit with a spinebuster. He covers for the two count. Tyrus then hits the powerbomb for another two count. He hits some headbutts for yet another two. EC3 tries to get involved but the ref ejects him from ringside. Ken plays possum, escapes the spike and hits the mic check for the victory. I’m sorry but I still feel that TNA is not using this guy to the best they can. He could have been a star in WWE, but Vince dropped the ball. Now Dixie dropped it. I just feel like he’s just another guy on the roster, and with his talent and mic skills, that should not be the case.

Segment 4- Magnus comes out. He says he will not apologize to Storm and calls him a sick SOB. Magnus says he wants to beat up Storm tonight (Tough talk in 2015 pro wrestling-I’m gonna beat you up). Mankind/Kane I mean Abysscomes out instead and promises to hurt him for attacking The Revolution’s leader last week. The two brawl at ringside and Magnus sends Abyss flying into the ring post. They use some of the BBQ Pitmasters marketing stuff in their fight (BBQ Pitmasters probably paid a lot of $$$ for this). Abyss grabs a cooking sheet and tosses it in the ring. He grabs Magnus and goes for a chokeslam but Magnus grabs the BBQ tongs and goes for the low blow.  Manik comes out and Magnus fights him with the BBQ weapons too, but Khoya out of nowhere levels him with a kendo stick and Abyss finally chokeslams him. The Wyatt family, I mean the Oddities (NO NO NO), ok I mean The Revolution stand tall. A weird segment almost as weird as a Wyatt promo. 

Match Number 3- The Wolves vs. The Dirty Heels.

Davey and Roode are the first two starting things off. The two trade offense until Edwards is tagged in. Roode and Edwards lock up and Roode tries to work on the arm. Roode tags in Aries, goes for the axe handle and arm drag. Edwards goes for the head scissors but Aries gets out of it. Richards then tags in and him and Edwards work over Aries’ arm for a few moments. Richards performs the axe handle off the ropes and continues to brutalize Aries’ arm. Edwards tags in and we get a cool drop toe hold/knee drop move. Davey hits some headbutts. The wolves then hit a backbreaker/kneedrop. Edward goes for the cover but only gets a two. Aries then sends Edwards into the apron and Roode manages to clothesline him as the action spills tot he outside. Aries its a double sledge on the floor then rolls Edwards back into the ring. Roode tags in and goes for the cover but only gets a two. Edwards tries to fight but Roode hits him with a neckbreaker. Roode tags in Aries and they exchange chops (the crowd goes WOOO) and punches. Edwards manages to make the tag to Richards but the referee was distracted so he missed it. Edwards managed to fight through and hits a second rope dropkick to Roode. He tags in Richards who starts running wild with clotheslines. Roode is sent to the floor and Aries is hit with a forearm. Richards then hits Aries with a handspring flying keen for the two count. He misses the creeping death and Aries sends him to the floor. Double suicide dive on The Wolves. Aries gets back in the ring and hits Richards with dropkicks. However, thanks to some help from Edwards who holds Aries’ legs down, Richards manages to hit a sunset flip for the win in a very, very good tag team match. 

Segment 5- The Rising talk backstage. Galloway says he’s going with Mica for the spot on Team Angle instead of Eli. This felt like a scene from the Bachelor. Angle and the rest of his team arrive. Angle says The Rising is one of the best teams ever and tonight they’re going to war and have to win.

Segment 6- Two backstage segments in one. Taryn teases that she has a surprise for Gail Kim next and it involves her family. We also see James Storm yelling at the Revolution for their attack on Magnus. All that was missing was Storm rolling up a newspaper and tapping Abyss in the nose saying “NO, bad dog!”

Segment 7-  The Dollhouse (I swear I have been to that strip club before) come down to the ring and Taryn gets on the mic. She says this is their house (Paige wants copyright royalties) and they create fantasies. Taryn says she’s more than just a knockout (Is she a WWE Diva?). Taryn said she had a special time with some special girls and she shows some forced looking selfies she took with Gail’s stepdaughters. Taryn then teases about meeting Gail’s husband. Taryn then strips down to her lingerie. Gail comes down to the ring and ruins the fun. She says Taryn has made it personal and crossed the line (But that’s what everyone does in TNA, they cross the line). Taryn says that Gail can’t compare to her as a woman and even her husband knows that (Oh this is Dawn Marie and Torrie Wilson all over again, where is Al?). Gail attacks her and The Dollhouse and clears the ring.

Match 4- Jessie Godderz vs. Robbie E.        

Robbie wins in a very short match with a rollup. 

Jessie demands another match.

Match Number 5- Jessie Godderz vs. Robbie E.

Robbie beats him again, with the same move in the almost exact same time. 

Jesse demands yet another rematch. Robbie agrees. I’d much rather have Kurt Angle and Drew Galloway wrestle 3 teams than this.

Match Number 6- Jessie Godderz vs. Robbie E.

This one lasts longer, however Robbie E prevails again. 

After the match, Jesse viciously assaults Robbie and chokes  him out.

Match Number 7- Team Angle vs. Team Young in a Hardcore War match

Josh and Mike brief everyone on the rules. Guys bring their own weapons and a new guy comes in every 90 seconds. The match cannot be won until all 10 men are in the ring. Drew and Low Ki start off. Both have pipes, no surprise They brawl for a few moments and Ki drags Drew to the floor but gets shoved into the guardrail. They exchange chops and punches. Kenny King is the next man in so Team Young has a 2-1 advantage. He has a golf club, folks I don’t know why. Both BDC members work together and whip Galloway into the guardrail. They attack him with several vicious chops. Galloway tries to fight back but the numbers are too much for him and he gets hit with a Flying Forearm. Mica then enters, carrying a nightstick. Drew hits King with the pipe and hits a suplex on Low Ki. Back in the ring and Drew and Mica are working over King. Ki runs back in but Drew and Mica lay the boots in.  Eric Young is the next man out. He’s carrying a trash can. He attacks Galloway and Mica right away and nails them with several trashcan lid shots. He goes for a suplex but Mica struggles and Galloway hits him with a German. Angle is the next man out. He suplexes Kenny King as we to commercial. We come back and MVPand Melendez are now in the bout. We are shown clips of them brawling during the break. Bram is revealed to be  Eric Young’s mystery man and he attacks Galloway with several kendo stick shots (Bram, why yes, the fans are excited over this one). Then he joins forces with with MVP and they work together to send Angle to the floor. Young is choking Mica with his wrist tape. Then Lashley comes down and clotheslines Bram. All 10 men are in the ring now. He hits a big spear on Eric Young. Lashley continues to fight Bram in the ring as everyone else brawls at ringside. King tries to attack Lashley but no effect as he hits him with the powerslam. MVP attacks Lashley with a kendo stick but Lashley grabs it. MVP manages to hit him with a big boot for two. Lashley then counters MVP’s Play of the Day and hits a spear. Bram then  hits the Impaler DDT on the “Destroyer”. Awesome spot where Galloway does a big dive onto the floor and takes out of a bunch of the guys. I’m telling you, WWE dropped the ball with this kid. If used right, he can be HUGE for TNA and a star in this business. Angle then goes on top and does another dive into the big pile of bodies. We end with Young and Melendez in the ring. Melendez hits a clotheslines and a boot for the two count. Young then hits a piledriver to win the match for his team.

The post match sees Young attack the ref and rip off Melendez’s prosthetic leg (ZACK GOWEN ALL OVER AGAIN). Angle goes in to make the save and Young hits him with the leg before trying to choke him out with it. Josh does a great job on commentary, selling the beatdown and calls Young “disgusting.” Young screams at Angle to “Quit!” as the show goes off the air, thus setting up the I Quit match possibly for next week?

Soriano’s stance: I felt we could have had more wrestling on the broadcast. A lot of “segments” and the 7 matches is misleading because 3 of them were Robbie E. vs. Jessie and combined those 3 matches were maybe 7 minutes, if even that. I love Galloway and am really hopeful that TNA utilizes his ability. You have to respect Kurt Angle at his age doing what he does. HE is a cyborg. Also, EC3 is probably the best heel TNA has had in awhile. He plays it so well. I think when EC3 beats Kurt for the gold which will happen, it will elevate him and give TNA a great heel champion. Oh, and the Knockouts are hot. And the tag team match was off the charts. Easily the match of the night. 

TNA TNA TNA

Enjoy the weekend

Chris Soriano