9/15 “Total Divas” Recap
Sep 16, 2013 - by Steve Gerweck
Marriage. Marriage is what brings us together today on the mid-season finale of E!’s “Total Divas,” featuring the long-awaited wedding of Natalya and Tyson Kidd (TJ). Having survived false-starts, possible courtroom nuptials, TJ’s overbearing mom and “Brie Mode,” the happy couple is ready to tie the knot in their beach wedding … until, of course, a troika of catastrophes besieges them at the last possible minute.
First up: Nikki Bella is invited to John Cena’s family gathering in West Newbury, Mass., on the same weekend as the wedding. Wanting to make a good impression, Nikki chooses to awkwardly bail on her friend, Nattie. Nikki calls to apologize during the reception and the Divas appear to be gal pals again.
Second, Cameron (Ariane) suffers a serious medical emergency in her hotel room and doesn’t seem like she’ll make it to the wedding. But thanks to some quick thinking from fellow Funkadactyl, Naomi (Trinity), disaster is averted after a trip to the hospital.
Third, of course, is the entirely expected return of Jaret the Tanning Guy. Oy, Jaret the Tanning Guy – they can’t get rid of him! When the zombie apocalypse overruns the earth and Cthulu has his way with the remnants, the only things left will be Twinkies, roaches and Jaret the Tanning Guy. Anyway, since you’ll remember Natalya invited him to her wedding, Jaret the Tanning Guy causes a ruckus when he comes clean to TJ about his flirtatious texts with Nattie, forcing TJ to confront the bride. Long story short, they kiss and make up and with Damien Sandow as wedding MC, Natalya and Tyson Kidd tie the knot. The after-party is appropriately raucous, and Brie – much to Daniel Bryan’s great surprise – catches the bouquet.
Elsewhere, Eva Marie is chosen to be Natalya’s valet, which throws JoJo into an epic snit fit. Eva attempts to reconnect with her fellow Diva-in-training, but the animosity is irreparable. Sworn enemies it is.
Up in Massachusetts, Nikki is a smash hit among the highly amusing family members of the Cenation. (We demand a spin-off featuring Cena’s brother and his partner, and we demand it now!) The mid-season ends much as it started: with Nikki and Cena discussing their future. Cena’s come around to commitment, though, and invites The Bella Twin to move in with him. Nikki, being pure of heart and virtue, doesn’t want to move in without being engaged … But hey, she can break the rules just this once.
See you all in November when “Total Divas” returns Sunday nights at 10/9 CT on E!.