7/30 WWE house show results from Perth, Australia
Jul 30, 2013 - by Steve Gerweck
1) Zack Ryder beat Antonio Cesaro & Heath Slater – triple threat match for a shot at the United States Championship. Big “We the People” chants, Australians are pretty tired of immigrants sneaking across our borders too. Quite funny match, Slater was out of the ring for most of the match and any time he would try to get back in he would be bumped off the apron. Cesaro had a hilariously long aeroplane spin on Slater and they both sold being dizzy for quite a while including Slater falling over on the entrance ramp long after the match had finished.
2) Natalya beat Aksana. Large and creepy pop when Justin Roberts announced it’s time for the Diva’s match which was followed by a number of requests for the divas to disrobe/show various body parts. I was slightly distracted during this match as a morbidly obese woman returned to the row in front of me carrying far too much food which she distributed to her obese kids. Perth can be such a hick town. Funny moment when the rolling cat fight rolled over the referee who leaped in the air to celebrate that the divas had rolled over him.
After the match, Ryback delivered a promo by pre-recorded video, something about Australians being ignorant wallaby shaggers, bit hard to hear, the speakers weren’t that clear. Ryback was wearing a leather vest which he wasn’t wearing later on when he came out to wrestle. Come on WWE, if you are going to pre-record a promo before you come out to Australia, could you at least pay a bit more attention to continuity?
3) Great Khali beat Jinder Mahal. There was a large group of men behind me wearing turbans, they were probably wearing them for religious reasons, but I like to think they were just enthusiastic Jinder Mahal fans. Kinda sad how much trouble Khali was having just walking to the ring. After defeating Mahal, Khali summoned 5 small boys to the ring for an impromptu dance party with Justin Roberts, nothing suss.
4) Dean Ambrose defeated Zack Ryder to retain the United States Championship. I didn’t really understand why there would be a United States Championship match in Australia, but I suspended my disbelief.
Justin Roberts then came into the ring to shill all the wonderful merchandise that was on offer including photos that had been personally autographed by the Ryback. This led to the intermission, during this time some #WWEPerth tweets were displayed on the screen. Here were my favourite #WWEPerth tweets:
– @_drunkenjesus_ – Can’t wait to see Cena and Ryback pound each other in the ring!!! #WWEPerth (kinda kinky, but if that’s what you are into, good luck to you)
– @WrestlingWerkz – John Cena? Lol I could work a better match with my teddy bear. #WWEPerth
– @adololhahahah – Shout out to jack aitken!!!! Go cena!! #WWEPERTH
Riveting stuff, fan interaction at its best. Anyway, back to the show.
5) Curtis Axel defeated The Miz in a Perth Street Fight (decided by popular acclaim over a 2/3 falls match) . I didn’t think the match was a particularly authentic take on a street fight in Perth, no one had jagged broken glass rammed into their eye socket, no one punch homicides. Just some fairly tame kendo stick and chair shots until Axel got the win.
6) Daniel Bryan and Kane beat Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns w/Dean Ambrose by DQ in a WWE Tag Team Championship match. Daniel Bryan = Greatest Of All Time. Ambrose interfered to get the DQ. After the match, Bryan and Kane executed chokeslams on Rollins and Reigns. Bryan got on the mic to ask whether he or Kane had the better chokeslam. Bryan tried to chokeslam Kane with no success. Kane then tried to chokeslam Bryan, but they ended up hugging it out. Comedy gold.
7) John Cena beat Ryback in a tables match to retain the WWE Championship. Ryback cut a promo before the match where he prompted people to chant “Goldberg” before getting upset that people were chanting “Goldberg”. He said that, after winning his first WWE Championship, he planned to celebrate by having a juicy steak and then going into the middle of Perth, pulling down his pants and dumping a giant “Goldberg” right in the street.