7/25 NXT Recap: Woman’s Champion crowned, Sheamus vs. Luke Harper
July 25, 2013
LIVE! From Full Sail University
by Emerson “Don’t call me Hammerhead, ya Jackass!” Witner
Any questions, comments concerns or emotional outbursts? Contact me:
Here’s what you need to know about NXT:
-The brackets for the Woman’s Title Tournament are as follows…
Paige defeated Tamina on 6/6
Alicia Fox defeated Bayley on 6/13
Summer Rae defeated Sasha Banks on 6/20
Emma defeated Aksana on 6/27
Paige defeated Alicia Fox on 7/4
Emma defeated Summer Rae on 7/11
-The NXT Champion is Bo Dallas. He defeated Big E. Langston on June 13 and teased a heel turn back on May 16, but it hasn’t been mentioned since.
-His #1 Contender is Leo Kruger, who won a Triple Threat Match against Antonio Cesaro and Sami Zayn on July 18.
-They also have Tag Team Champions, Corey Graves and Adrian Neville, who defeated The Family on July 18. Neville had previously been champions with Oliver Grey, but Grey was injured by The Family. Graves and Kassius Ohno were #1 Contender’s to the titles, but The Family injured Ohno.
-Dusty Rhodes is the Authority Figure, but his job title seems to change from week to week.
-Sami Zayn, the former El Generico, is in the midst of a feud with Antonio Cesaro, which I am sure you are surprised to hear has led to good matches.
-The announce team is constantly rotating with some combination of Tony Dawson, William Regal, Brad Maddox and Tom Phillips
And that’s everything you need to know about NXT. (Now we know!) (And knowing is half the battle) (G.I. Joe!)
-Tom Phillips and the General Manager of Raw: Brad Maddox are our announce team this week and we start things right at the top!
1.) In the finals of the NXT Woman’s Championship Tournament, Paige defeated Emma. Nine weeks ago, Stephanie McMahon announced the tournament for the championship. That day I spent a good 200 words or so making fun of it. Paige goes for a backslide, but Emma maneuvered her way to the ropes and turned a backslide attempt into the Dil-Emma. Dueling chants break out. Funny thing is both sides sound exactly the same. Paige did a Perfect Plex, which looked better than Curtis Axle’s version, for a 2-count. The match was 6 minutes long and Tom Phillips commented on the fatigue of both ladies. I know that this is already the longest match of the tournament, but that is a smidge crazy. Paige gave a shout out to Emma’s trainer Lance Storm by slapping on the Half Crab. Thankfully for Emma, Lance taught her the counter, which was kicking her with the other foot. I thought I was at the ROH tapings again. The fans chanted “Man up”. Paige nailed the Paige Turner and scored the pin and won the championship! Paige joins Seth Rollins, Oliver Grey and Adrian Neville as the “first” champions of NXT. Emma joins Jinder Mahal, Luke Harper and Rowan as the losers of the tournament finals to determine the “first” champions.
We have a new Queen of NXT!
After the match all of the NXT Diva’s came out to congratulate Paige, including the love of my life, Sasha Banks.
Finally the ultimate Diva came out. That’s right, Triple H. Hunter raised the hand of our champion. Why wasn’t this the main event?
-Well Sheamus is wrestling Luke Harper in the main event. That’s why.
-Zeb Colter video aired. He said him and Cesaro are real American’s, unlike Sami Zayn who came into the country illegally. Zeb outed Sami as someone who used to wrestle while wearing a mask.
Zeb announced that they will have Sami deported. Does this mean Sami has to get married so he doesn’t get deported? Is Goldust still available? Well he is a guy, so is Aksana still available?
2.) Tyler Breeze beat Angelo Dawkins. Last week we were not allowed to gaze at Tyler, but I guess we have been given permission this week. Tyler looks like what would happen if Todd Pettengill and Fandango had a love child. Tyler is stealing Sylvain Grenier’s gimmick of being a male model and Ted DiBiase’s gimmick of being from different locale’s based on the time of year. Milan, Italy is where Tyler lives this time of year. Yes, he flies from Milan to Orlando every week. Last week he did it just to cut a 20 second promo. That seems like a waste of money and/or jet fuel. I have been typing since Tyler entered the ring and the bell still hasn’t rung yet. Tyler is taking literally many pictures of himself…and there is the bell. The referee is counting. I guess Tyler’s camera phone is an International Object. Dawkins politely stood in the corner and watched. Tyler had to check his hair during the heat, set his phone back down and won the match with the Savio Vega Spinning Wheel Kick.
The replay of the match was Tyler standing at the top of the ramp. That by itself is enough reason to love this man.
-Another Ascension promo. They are still coming again. I still love this gimmick but wish Kenneth Cameron wouldn’t have gotten himself fired.
3.) The Ascension defeated Mickey Keegan & Aiden English. Ascension hasn’t been a team on NXT since December. Rick Victor is the newest Ascension member. Conor spent a few months trying to beat Big E. Langston for the NXT Title. He failed time and again. A few weeks ago I wondered why Axl Keegan changed his first name. Someone on Gerweck.net was nice enough to point out that we now have a Curtis Axel and, thus, don’t need an Axl Keegan. Ascension wins a quickie with the H-Bomb and Total Elimination.
-A promo for Total Diva’s aired. I would like to continue to point out that I have watched every episode of NXT since October 2010. but I will not watch Total Diva’s.
-Next week: Bo Dallas & Sami Zayn vs Antonio Cesaro & Leo Kruger. See, that is the kind of action you will not see on Total Diva’s.
4.) Sheamus beat Luke Harper in what could be the main event of any NXT anywhere in the world. Sheamus has an “unlimited pain threshold”, except, of course, when Big Show punches him in the fucking face really hard. This match was pretty much a handicap match with Rowan running constant interference. The difference between this and TNA is Harper made sure to distract the referee as it was happening. Watching Sheamus I am constantly reminded of how he is my Mom’s favorite wrestler because he is Irish and has bright red hair. I once broke up with a woman who cut her hair and disturbingly looked like my mother. This turned into a pretty decent little match of two talented big guys clubbering one another. I know, Sheamus is no good and has no talent because he trains with Triple H and beat Daniel Bryan in 18 seconds, so Harper obviously carried him to a good match. Sheamus missed a Brogue Kick and had his head taken off by a discuss lariat. Sheamus screwed his head back on and kicked out just in time. Harper ran into Sheamus’ boot and was pinned after White Noise and the Brogue Kick.
That is it for this week. I really do not see why people hate Sheamus as much as they do. See ya in 7 days!