Transcript of Jesse Ventura on Howard Stern

Sep 18, 2012 - by Steve Gerweck

From Sheridan…

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“Jesse Ventura Visits. 09/17/12. 8:15am
After the break we heard audio of radio hosts reading some prank emails Sal and Richard had sent into a Swap and Shop show. Fred also played Bon Jovi and friends performing ”With a Little Help From My Friends” live at a Howard Stern birthday show.

Howard came back and had Jesse Ventura come in. Howard said he has a new book out called ”DemoCRIPS and ReBLOODlicans: No More Gangs in Government.” Howard had a hard time getting that title out.

Howard said Jesse was wearing a Jimi Hendrix t-shirt. Howard said he must be the only governor who does that. Jesse said that he had a bunch of stuff like that at his inauguration. He said he almost had Aerosmith at the inauguration. He said they wanted to be there but it wasn’t possible for them to make it.

Howard asked Jesse about this guy in the SEALS that put out this book about the Obama bin Laden killing. Jesse said he wasn’t upset about the book. He said he’d rather hear from him than the bureaucrats in Washington. Howard asked if he’s giving away details that are secrets. Jesse said he doesn’t think there’s anything that secret anymore. He said Hollywood treats them like the green berets back in the day. He said that he liked it better when they were unknown and just wore green fatigues. Howard said he likes them too. He said that they do the missions secretly and that scares the s**t out of the rest of the world. Howard said they don’t seem to be scared anymore though.

Jesse said he’s not upset about it and he feels he should know what the government is doing with his taxpayer money. Howard said they are talking about looking into this guy about what he wrote. Howard asked if Jesse read the book yet. Jesse said he didn’t read it yet but he probably will.

Howard asked Jesse about the mission and what he’s heard about it and if it sounds like one of the hardest missions. Jesse said that in his day it was in the jungle but now they are like a SWAT team that doesn’t’ have to give you the Miranda rights.

Howard asked Jesse if he thinks that World War II was a noble war. Jesse said he doesn’t know because he wasn’t alive. He said that he would like to think so. Howard said we lost 58,000 guys in that war in Viet Nam. He said that he’s not sure why we were even fighting. Jesse said that he thinks he’d be a conscientious objector today. He said every war since he’s been alive he doesn’t think the United States was threatened. He said that there are small pockets of trouble makers and the answer isn’t to attack and occupy those areas.

Howard asked what we should do. Jesse said that we should cut foreign aid. He said we should shut the embassy’s down and come home. Howard said that might cause more poverty to fester. Jesse said we have to worry about our own people first. He said that the foreign aid isn’t going to the poor people. He said the money goes to the leaders and it’s like bribery. He said that’s what the whole political system is. He said we should pull the aide from the whole world. He said he’s not sure who made us the world’s policemen. He said we should shut down all of the foreign bases in all of the countries around the world.

Jesse told Howard he should read a book called ”War Is a Racket” because it explains a lot about what this general felt he was really fighting for.

Howard asked Jesse about who he would vote for if he had to pick one of the two. Jesse said he votes every election. Howard asked if he would vote for Romney or Obama. Jesse said he is going to vote for Gary Johnson. He said that it’s not a waste of a vote either. He said with Obama and Romney it doesn’t matter because we’re going to get the same thing in government because they’ve both been bought.

Howard said he thinks that Romney is like Gordon Gecko. He said he should probably be thrown out of the country based on what he’s done. Howard said he will cast his vote for Obama. Jesse said that he has continued with the Bush stuff and he hasn’t really changed the things he said he was going to change. Jesse said that they still have Gitmo and they won’t release them because there’s no way they could get a conviction.

Jesse said people love when he’s on Howard’s show. He said that they really love Howard. Jesse said that he has 3 years to make something happen now. Jesse said that if the people will get him ballot access in all 50 states and get him in the debates he would run individual in 2016. Howard said he needs a leader to organize that. Robin said people don’t rise up and do that kind of thing. Jesse said that’s fine, he just won’t do it then.

Howard said in the 60s people would rise up because their lives were on the line. Jesse said the economy is on the line now. He said that all lays on the democrats and republicans. Jesse said he writes about this stuff in his book ”DemoCRIPS and ReBLOODlicans: No More Gangs in Government.”

Howard said that most people don’t really look at the candidates. They vote based on the party. Jesse said that’s why he thinks we should do away with the parties. Jesse said they should take the names off the ballot and find out what these people stand for.

Howard said Jesse must like Occupy Wall Street. Jesse said he absolutely does. Howard said they just want a level playing field. Jesse said what they were doing was exercising their first amendment rights. He said if Howard tires to do that they’ll get run off by pepper spray and dogs. He said these two parties don’t care about this stuff. He said that he can’t fly anymore because of the security they have there. He said that he went to court and the judge ruled that she doesn’t have jurisdiction. He said he wants to go through security and not be sexually assaulted by the security agents. Jesse said he’s not a threat. He said he’s been a governor, a mayor and he’s been flying for 30 years. Howard said they have to treat everyone the same. Jesse said he was governor and he went to the Minneapolis airport to fly to a meeting with a one way ticket. He said he was stopped and searched. He said he asked when the last time was that a governor attacked a plane. The guy told him that they have to treat everyone the same. He said he asked the guy when common sense comes into play. He said they were searching him but he had two armed bodyguards with him. He said all he has to do is ask one of them for a gun and he has a gun.

Jesse said that once he got to California they loaded him right on the plane without being searched. He said that made more sense.

Howard asked Jesse about Rick Santorum saying that intelligent people won’t vote republican. Howard said he said this because he thinks that the religious people are voting. Jesse said maybe that’s because intelligent people aren’t faith based. Jesse said he puts god with the Easter bunny and Santa. Jesse also pointed out that Jesus was against organized religion. He said he’d be appalled by what’s going on now.

Howard said that he tried talking to a woman about someone having a good point about how there might not be a god and this woman flipped out and told him not to talk to her about it. Jesse said they have to stick to the belief that there is something in the after life. He said he believes there might be something like that but they’ll never convince him that there’s an invisible guy in the sky watching him. He said that he loves the George Carlin routine about that too.

Jesse said that he is all for the legalization of marijuana. Howard said he is too. Jesse said that he knows Howard is doing America’s Got Talent. He said he’d like him to run with him for Vice President. Howard said he has to think about that. Howard asked why he thinks Mitt Romney won’t show his tax returns. Jesse said he has made so much and he’s probably got a lot of it hidden over seas and he doesn’t want to show it.

Howard brought up the discussion he had earlier in the morning about Romney. Jesse said they knew 4 years ago that they were going to get Romney. He said we had more Mormon ads on TV and that was preparing us for the whole thing. Jesse said the Mormon religion is kind of strange and people call it a cult. He said it’s not the main stream of religion so they have to prepare people for it. Howard said that there doesn’t seem to be any separation of church and state anymore. Jesse said if they take that away there’s no telling what they would do do a non-believer like him. He said he might end up in some internment camp.

Jesse asked when Howard is going to come visit him in Mexico. Howard said he’s never going to Mexico. He said his wife wants to go but he won’t do it. Jesse told Howard he has a 4,500 square foot house right on the beach. He said that there are no gangs in his area. He said he has a level 3 protection dog. Howard said he bets that dog won’t protect him. Jesse said the dog is trained only to attack when he tells it to.

Howard asked Jesse what he has down there to wear when he’s under attack. Jesse said in Mexico you’re not allowed to have a gun but 20,000 people were killed in the drug war. He said that they’re not allowed to have any guns but they’re killed with guns. Howard asked Jesse what kind of guns he has. Jesse said he gave them all away. He said he doesn’t ant them taken away so he says he doesn’t have nay. He said he had a couple of assault weapons and shot guns and a couple of hand guns. He said he was trained on assault weapons so he knows how to take them apart and clean them.

Jesse said that he and Howard could win the election if they wanted to. He said that Howard could be VP and he could be president. Howard said he’s thinking about it. Howard asked what they would do their first 100 days in office. Jesse said they’d get rid of the Patriot Act. He said he’d cut the budget and close the bases around the world that they don’t need. Jesse said that he would also work diligently to get a constitutional amendment that says corporations are the same as individuals. He said they have to do that to override the Supreme Court.

Howard said that he thinks this is Jesse’s new passion to get into office. Jesse said he wants to destroy the parties and get rid of them.

Howard gave Jesse another plug for his book ”DemoCRIPS and ReBLOODlicans: No More Gangs in Government.”

Howard asked what else he’s doing other than writing books. Jesse said he plays golf. He said he writes the books while he’s down in Mexico. He said they churn them out down there and this is his 6th NY Times Best Seller. He said this will be the last one. Jesse said there’s nothing more for him to say. He said right now he has no intention to write anymore books. He said he wants to get Howard to come down to Mexico now. He said that’s what his mission is now.

Howard asked why FOX News stooped having him on. Jesse said they did that about 2 or 3 years ago. He said that they live on intimidation over there and he doesn’t go for that. He said that they don’t want to let him be out there and get his word out. He said he would love to say that they’re shills for the republican party but he never sees them anymore. Jesse said he’s going after the big corporations and that news channel is run by a big corporation.

Howard asked Jesse about some measurement that was taken of Jesse’s arm and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s arm. Jesse said that never happened. He said that Arnold doesn’t lack self esteem. Howard asked about his penis compared to Arnold. Jesse said that he has girth and that’s what women like. Howard said he doesn’t have either length or girth. Howard said he wraps dollar bills around his penis to give him girth.

Jesse talked about his wife and how she had a lot of issues when the press would bring their kids into their stories. He said his wife had Epstein Barr and he had to back out of running for office because of that. He said he wrote about that in one of his books. He said he would put his wife in front of running for any office. Howard said they have to sit down and talk about all of this. Howard said in 3 years he needs a job where he doesn’t need to do much work. He said he’d like to do the fun stuff that Jesse doesn’t like. Howard said this kind of fits into his plan. He said he’ll have to get back to him on this. Jesse said that Robin could be their secretary of defense. He said he’s serious about all of this too. Howard said he has more mass appeal now that he’s on AGT too. He said more people would vote for him. Jesse said that he’s got it.

Jesse told Howard that his dad came home from work saying that all politicians were crooks. He said that his dad made sense telling him that they spend $1 million on a job that only takes $100,000. He said it made sense to him as an 8th grader.

Howard said that he assumes Jesse has killed people. Jesse said he has not. Howard said he’s winking again. Howard asked if it keeps him up at night since he thought he was doing the right thing back then. Howard said he bets it haunts him now that he doesn’t believe in the cause anymore. Jesse said that people ask him what his favorite career was. He said each one of them was at that time of his life. He said he was just doing his job. That’s the job he had to do and he volunteered for it. He said he had to want it to get through training. He said it ends right there.

Howard gave Jesse some more plugs and said that he’s seriously thinking about running with Jesse in 3 years. Jesse said he’s serious too. Howard said they can get John Varvatos to dress them for the inauguration. Howard said he wants Jesse to be the rock star and stay President. He doesn’t want that responsibility.

Howard and Jesse also talked about this film that people in the middle east are all up in arms over. Howard said that when they’re in office they’re going to give everyone free weed. Jesse said that they’re going to make it the same as liquor. He said that they have to charge people for it. Jesse said that he has a friend who has terminal cancer and she can eat and take her pills because of pot. He said that it’s illegal and she has to buy it illegally. He said the government has no right to tell you what you can take when you have terminal cancer. Howard said they have to calm down now. He said they have to think about running for office in 3 years. Jesse said they have to get Tom Morello from Rage Against the Machine to work with them too. Jesse said they can get Keith Richards from the Stones and Richie Sambora to help them out too. Howard said he knows Joe Walsh too so he can make that happen. He told Jesse to take care of his side and he’ll take care of the fund raiser stuff. Howard said he doesn’t usually play second fiddle but in this case he might.

Jesse said we have to get going now and we need ballot access in every state. Howard asked Mariann from Brooklyn and Eric the Actor if they hear all of this. He picked up on Eric and asked if he hears what he has to do. Eric said he heard. He said he has to get ballot access for Howard and Jesse. Howard hung up on him almost immediately.

Jesse asked Howard to give him a WNnnBC announce from his movie Private Parts. Howard gave him a couple. Jesse got a laugh out of that.

Howard asked Jesse if he sued some dude for writing that he beat him up in some bar. Jesse said that he was pissed because the guy was a SEAL himself and he threw him under the bus. He said that the guy claimed that he wished death upon the Navy SEALs because they’re baby killers and stuff. He said that the guy claims he punched him and ran but that never happened. Jesse said the case is still in court. He said the first time he ever saw this guy was on June 4th of this year. He said he didn’t even know the guy until this all came out. Jesse said that this guy is just throwing him under the bus to make himself famous. Jesse said the guy has no proof that he knows of. He said that none of his witnesses have seen the punch. He said the case may make it to court next Spring. Jesse said he’s suing the guy for court costs and lawyer fees. He said he wants a jury to say it never happened. Jesse said he was at this event and he has witnesses of his own that will say it never happened. He said that the guy claims it happened in 2006 and no one heard about it until 2011. Jesse said he’s never even had an argument with people over this stuff.

Howard asked Jesse if he’s going to keep his word and make him Vice President. Jesse told him he’s looking him in the eye and he can take his word for it. Howard said he thinks he’s going to get into this and do it. He said he was out of politics but now he’s being pulled back. Jesse said they will run without a party. He said the only other person who ever did it was George Washington. He said that they’d be the only President and Vice President that ran without a political party. Howard said he hasn’t felt this alive in a long time. Jesse said Howard hasn’t felt like this since he was on the floor getting a massage from a naked woman in Private Parts. Howard said that was some movie. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.”

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“Wrap Up Show – Jesse Ventura And More. 09/17/12. 11:05am
After the break Jon moved on to talk about Jesse Ventura and how he wants Howard on his ticket. They spent a minute talking about some of the stuff they were discussing today. Gary said sometimes he’ll be onto something legitimate sounding and then he’ll go off on some crazy thing and it just kills his credibility.

Gary talked about how exhausting the whole thing was when Howard was running for governor himself. He said that there was a lot of yelling and stuff going on.

Jon said that Howard also talked about Mitt Romney and the article he read in Rolling Stone. Gary said that Romney seems like an okay guy but then he read the article and it seemed pretty well written. He said he remembers reading it and no one talked about it. He said he’s glad Howard talked about it.

Jon took a call from a woman who said that Jesse Ventura seems like a loon. She said they also seem to have a lot of guests on over and over again. She said that they’re only there like 3 days a month. Gary said they’re there 3 days a week. She said this is constant with the guests and they should be ripping Sal apart and playing phony phone calls. Gary said they will get to that stuff eventually. He said if they did that every day then she’d be complaining about that. Gary said making fun of him and Sal is never going to get old and it won’t go away. The caller said that when they’re there now it’s all about guests. Gary said from 6-7 it’s all about the show and then they have a guest on and then do the news. Gary said it’s very peaks and valleys. He said there are times of the year when it gets very quiet.

Jon asked if Howard is relived that AGT is over. Gary said it was work and he traveled all over the country. He worked a lot on his days off and he has worked a long time to get the days off he wanted. He said he’s not sure if Howard will do it again next season. He said he thinks that Howard was a little tired at the end of AGT. Jon asked Benjy if he thinks Howard will do it again. Benjy said he thinks he’s torn on it. He said he may have a hard time saying no to it because of the amount of money involved. Gary said they all love money but he never got the impression Howard did it for the money. He’s not sure that’s the driving factor either.

Gary said he’s not sure Howard would want to come back if they have the wrong person in Sharon’s seat. Jon said he agrees with that. It could make things miserable for him.

Jon took a call from a guy who said he’s amazed that he’s still into the show as much as he is after all these years. He said that the three days a week isn’t so bad. He said they have a great mix of old and new shows and they do an amazing job. He said that it’s great that they do the Wrap Up Show and they’re doing the right thing. Gary said sometimes you have to take the good guests when they’re available.

Jon took another call from a guy who said he liked today’s show and he disagrees with the woman who called in earlier. He also asked Gary if he should pass on the new iPhone or not. Gary said he and Jon were talking about it this morning. He said he’s going to get one but wait until his contract is up. Jon said that Howard has to have it now but Robin is going to wait too. Gary said he can wait 6 months for one. Jon said he may have to get one. Gary said he loves Apple even though he thought the iPad could be a bit of a stumble for them when it came out. They spent another minute on that before ending the show around 11:15am.”

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