5/16/11 WWE RAW COVERAGE

Live from San Antonio, TX:

by Hans Keller

RAW is kicked off with an opening promo by John Cena to his typical mixed reaction. before he can even start, he is cut off by Alex Riley, who tells him to save it because he’s heard it before and has Cena look at a Miz montage consisting of their match at WrestleMania, their match at Extreme Rules and many other times where Miz whipped Cena’s ass.

A Ry then introduces Miz to the typical Cole mark out we’ve come to expect these last months. A Ry talks down to the crowd, saying that they said he didn’t have it. He then hated on the home town San Antonio Spurs for some cheap heat. A Ry says Miz will prove everyone wrong because he will never utter the words “I Quit”.

Cena’s turn to talk, who calls A Ry “as stupid as he is useless”. And says Miz would also never say Miz would pass on Jonas Brothers tickets, that Miz would not stop playing with My Little Pony, and that Miz has testicles. All kidding aside, Cena said he respects Miz but he chose the I Quit match for a reason: fear. He sees fear in The Miz’s eyes. GM intervention time, the anonymous GM says as long that A Ry and Miz aren’t involved, they can pick the match and opponent for Cena tonight. Miz says he doesn’t know Cena’s opponent or the stipulation. But he knows one thing: it’ll be awesome. Cole talks Miz up again while King wonders what Miz will decide.

Time for the first match of the night as Kofi Kingston makes his way out first, he will be facing CM Punk, accompanied by The Nexus tonight. The broadcasters relive last week when CM Punk interfered in Kane/Mason Ryan and got a KO punch for his trouble by Big Show.

Kofi Kingston vs. CM Punk (w/ The Nexus)
Punk starts with a tight headlock then gets a tackle. But the advantage is short lived as Kofi gives him a flying elbow after dodging him twice. Kofi is in control right now but now for long as is drops Kofi’s neck on the top rope. Snapmare and elbows to the chest followed by a cover for two. This is followed by a reverse chin lock. Cover for two. Punk goes to the top rope but gets hit by Kofi. Kofi to the top and a cross body for two. The Nexus stand on the ramp and are antsy. Kofi does his trademark legdrop and looks for Trouble in Paradise but doesn’t get it, Punk tries GTS but gets nothing. Kofi tires to go up to try his punches but Punk anticipates and Kofi falls awkwardly. GTS by Punk for three.

WINNER: CM Punk

Punk says everyone saw Leadership by example. He says he does things his way and that he won’t stop until all of Nexus is the most dominant force anyone has seen.

Divas competition is up next. Kelly Kelly, who King calls one of the most beautiful of all time. She will be facing off against Brie Bella, the current Divas Champion.

Kelly Kelly vs. Brie Bella
Things start off with Brie in control briefly until Kelly reverses an arm wrench. Then Brie hangs Kelly on the middle rope and Nikki gets a shot in. Brie misses a leg drop and gets spanked followed by her signature hurricanrana and her backflip splash for two. Brie gets an edge but then Kelly slams her and pins her unorthodoxly for three! But then both Bellas double team Kelly Kelly.

WINNER: Kelly Kelly

Uh oh…Kharma is coming. She seems to be eyeing Kelly Kelly but then the Bellas try to knock Kharma down and fail miserably. Kharma asserts her authority, eventually landing an Implant Buster on one of the sisters. Eyes back on Kelly Kelly, who is scared for her life. Kharma grabs her by the chin and picks her up to her feet and flicks her in the head laughing before she leaves the ring.

We are treated to a vignette from “That’s What I Am”.

619 time as Rey Mysterio comes out. Josh Mathews and King relive when R-Truth ambushed Rey. He comes out and talks about R-Truth’s actions the prior week. He talks about knowing how it feels to be passed over but he doesn’t blame others for his problems or flip out when he doesn’t get his way. He wants to handle his business like a man and calls out R-Truth to show him why he didn’t deserve a main event spot.

Yay Commercial Break.

Back on RAW and R-Truth has made no appearance. Instead, Rey gets Alberto Del Rio. Who introduces himself…but of course we already know his name, especially Rey, who he again calls a Chihuahua. He says Rey is the reason he isn’t facing Cena. Says Rey does not deserve to be in the same show as himself because he’s a full-blooded Mexican, unlike the people in San Antonio. He said the US wanted him and gave him everything to come here.

Rey says he won’t let Del Rio disrespect HIS people. He says he is proud to be Chicano and American at the same time. And if R-Truth doesn’t want to show, he has no problem shutting Del Rio up. The match begins!

Rey Mysterio vs. Alberto Del Rio
ReyRey gets early swings and a hurricanrana after Alberto tries to counter. Rey uses his quickness to his advantage until Del Rio does a top rope arm breaker and a drop kick as we head to a commercial.

We come back and Del Rio is in control. Cover for two. Del Rio continues to work on the arm of ReyRey. Another cover for two. Back to the arm yet again. Rey fights backs back only to get an enziguiri to the skull for two. Rey kicks Del Rio’s legs, but get dropkicked for one. And back to the arm once again with a grounded hammerlock. Rey slow to work to his feet. Elbows to Del Rio’s face and an arm drag. Kick to the chest by Rey and Del Rio gets sent to the outside. All of a sudden, R-Truth starts shouting on a mic distracting him so Del Rio can seemingly get a win but Rey with the high cross body for two! In the corner and a seated splash and a hurricanrana! Goes for a 619 but Ricardo Rodriguez interferes drawing the DQ. Del Rio looks to punish after the fact.

WINNER by DISQUALIFICATION: Rey Mysterio

Del Rio goes off but R-Truth takes over and beats ReyRey down then hits a Lie Detector. He asks for a mic and asks Rey what he’s doing. He asks who Rey is to call him out. R-Truth says no one makes the challenges but him. He says this Sunday, Rey is “gonna get got” and proceeds to beat him down before taking off up the ramp.

NEXT: Cole vs. Lawler Contract Signing

Both Michael Cole (with Swagger) and Jerry Lawler are in the ring. Cole welcomes us to the contract signing for his match. He starts taunting Lawler. He says he will only sign the contract if he reiterates the stipulation. Lawler reminds Cole that he never beat him legitimately, but if he DOES win, he will give Cole his ring and personally induct him. Cole signs immediately followed by King. Cole says he believes in full disclosure. He says King didn’t read the contract. The match this sunday is a “Kiss my foot” match…oy….he shows the footage last month of J.R. kissing his foot and then taunts him. Cole then brings up that King has experience kissing feet and shows the 1995 King of the Ring where King has Bret Hart’s foot in his mouth literally. Cole then shows his nasty foot again. King cuts Colt off mid-sentence, and says he couldn’t even compare to Swagger. He doesn’t like Swagger but respects him. But says he should congratulate Cole, because he made Swagger a sidekick. Cole starts spouting off unwisely about Swagger. Swagger doesn’t like that and gets in Cole’s face. What Swagger says is incoherent, but if I had to interpret, I think he said “Cole, you’re on your own this Sunday.” Then Cole tries to warm up to everyone, including King. No one buys it. King says it’s too late, this Sunday, he will stick his foot in Cole’s mouth and close it for good! Loud Jerry chants and crying from Cole close this segment.

Kane and Big Show are in action….NEXT!

King pokes fun at Cole, who doesn’t find any humor in the situation that just transpired. We’re ready for Tag Team action as the Champions make their way to the ring. A match has been made official, the Champions vs. CM Punk and Mason Ryan for the Championships this Sunday. But tonight, the Champions get McGillicutty and Otunga.

Kane & Big Show vs. David “A-List” Otunga & Michael McGillicutty
Kane and McGillicutty start. Kane understandably starts with the advantage with some clotheslines and slams. First cover for two. Tag to Big Show who gives McGillicutty a big chop followed by another. Irish whip, McGillicutty. kicks him and tries to cut Big Shows legs out. Otunga tags in and keeps Big Show down. Cover for one. McGillicutty tags in and gets nearfalls. Otunga back in keeping each other fresh. McGillicutty back in with a leg lock. Show uses his free leg to slam McGillicutty to the mat. Otguna tagged in again. Nexus playing smart, keeping Big Show down. But then Show grabs Otunga’s throat but is countered, but recountered and both men are down. Otunga tries to keep Show away but gets the tag to Kane as McGillicutty gets in. Turnbuckle Clothesline and Sidewalk Slam gets two. Kane to the top rope and gets his Clothesline. The Chockeslam is coming as he boots Otunga. Mason Ryan tries to intervene and gets KOd by Big Show but Punk distracts him which gets Nexus a steal.

WINNERS: David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty

The announcers plug WWE AllStars real quick. Then run down the card.

Kane and Show talk about what just happened. Show calls him and Kane the Alpha and Omega. Kane says this Sunday won’t be Punks redemption or salvation, it will be his and Nexus’s annihilation.

NEXT: Cena’s match vs. his mystery opponent

OMG ITS ZACK RYDER!!!

Miz comes out first, looks like the opponent and stip will be announced first. The match will be No Holds Barred. He has Cena get out, which he does. Swagger comes out of nowhere and assaults John Cena, who is his opponent.

No Holds Barred
John Cena vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger gets an early advantage and rips Cenas shirt over him. Cena gets a brief advantage but then Swagger beats him down. Swagger just powers John Cena and nails a vader bomb for two as the final break is taken.

Cena is still at a disadvantage after the break. Over the break, Cena was tossed around outside as we are reminded the stipulation is No Holds Barred. Swagger whips Cena into the exposed railing then rolls him in for two. Swagger uses a chair for two. Swagger sets a chair on Cena’s chest, looking for a Vader bomb, hitting it for two. Swagger puts the chair in the corner between turnbuckles but Cena comes back like Superman and starts the shoulder tackles but Swagger hits a powerslam for two. Ankle lock is clinched in the center of the ring. Cena rolls through! Swagger charges and his head meets the chair as both me. And Cena builds momentum with his signature shoulder tackles and spin out powerbomb. He tells Miz “you can’t see me” but Swagger sees a five knuckle shuffle and gets hit with an Attitude Adjustment with an STF which makes Swagger tap.

WINNER: John Cena

Miz tells Cena to enjoy tonight, because on Sunday he will feel disappointment. There are many ways to make a human say I Quit. Miz describes many scenarios which could make Cena say those two words. But he says all the things he listed, he won’t use. He said he found a way to make Cena quit that he never seen before and guaranteed that he will be the new WWE Champion. He asks Cena why he looks at him, as if he doesn’t believe what Miz says. Cena gets A Ry but then meets the pipe. But then Cena turns the tables like superman causing both to retreat. He tells Miz to bring his million ways to make him quit, and bring a million more, because this Sunday he will make Miz say “I Quit”! The two competitors this Sunday stare bullets as the show comes to a close.