Great American Bash
Sunday, June 27th in Norfolk, VA
1 — JOHN CENA vs. ROB VAN DAM vs. BOOKER T vs. RENE DUPREE — U.S. Hvt. Title Fatal Four-Way
The match was tornado style with all four in the ring at the same time. At 3:00 Dupree went into a chinlock, apparently believing the fans were just a little worked up and he needed to settle them down to avoid a riot in the first match. Booker and Cena, meanwhile, stood at ringside recovering from a brawl. RVD fought back with Rolling Thunder for a near fall. RVD flipped onto Cena and Dupree at ringside. RVD gave a Five-Star Frog Splash to Dupree, then one to Booker. Cena then snuck up and rolled up a vulnerable RVD at 8:15 to eliminate him. Booker and Dupree beat on Cena for a couple of minutes, but then turned on each other at 10:00, giving Cena the opening he needed. He gave Booker the Throwback and then pumped his shoes. The crowd reacted to that as he lifted Dupree for an FU. Dupree held the top rope, but Booker kicked him off, so Cena executed the FU. Booker then scissors kicked Cena, who had to awkwardly bend over and wait (as is always the case with that move, which is why it shouldn’t be used). Booker then covered Dupree for the elimination at 11:15. He quickly covered Cena, who kicked out before three. Booker continued to work over Booker. Cena teased a comeback at 12:45, but Booker remained on offense. Booker applied a cobra clutch (which is more interesting than a headlock or chinlock at least). Cena made his “I’m in pain and struggling” face. Booker went for his scissors kick, but Cena stepped out of his path and then hit an FU for the win.
WINNER: Cena at 15:44 to retain the U.S. Hvt. Title.
-Backstage Charlie Haas and Miss Jackie congratulated Cena, who then made a pass at Jackie. Kurt Angle then informed Haas (who apparently doesn’t have computer access or a cell phone) what had been reported on WWE.com (and PWTorch.com) all day – that he was fighting Luther Reigns.
-Sable was in a hot tub doing her best to look like sexy and seductive while saying nobody is hotter than her.
2 — CHARLIE HAAS (w/Miss Jackie) vs. LUTHER REIGNS
Luther overpowered Haas throughout most of the match. Haas got in some near falls near the end, but then missed a tackle in the corner and hit his shoulder on the ringpost. Reigns won with his inverted neckbreaker finisher.
WINNER: Reigns at 7:02.
-A Bradshaw promo aired. Same message, saying he couldn’t wait to win the belt to shove it down all the fans’ throats. It wouldn’t surprise, as a gesture of support by Vince McMahon to make up the “unfair” CNBC firing, for Bradshaw to be given the title win tonight.
3 — REY MYSTERIO vs. CHAVO GUERRERO — Cruiserweight Title match
They opened with a pretty slow pace, indicating they had some time to work with. They even went to the first mathold at 2:15. Chavo kicked Rey off the top rope at 5:15 and Rey sold it as a knee injury, setting up Chavo stomping away and working over Rey’s knee for several minutes. Rey teased a comeback a couple of times, but made a big comeback with a dive over the top rope onto Chavo at ringside at 12:15. Rey, though, came up limping on that knee worse than ever. Back in the ring, Rey gingerly climbed to the top rope. Chavo caught him up there and set up a top rope superplex, but Rey (of course) fought out of it. They ended up both standing on the top rope and leaped off together with Rey ramming Chavo’s head into the mat. Both men were down for eight counts, then Chavo covered Rey for a two count. Rey reversed into a cradle for a near fall himself at 14:30. Chavo reversed Rey into the ropes, but Rey springboarded off the second rope with a bodyblock and then hit a Russian leg sweep for a near fall at 15:30. Chavo came back with a Gorybomb, so Cole announced, “We are going to have a new Cruiserweight Champion,” thus taking away any sense of suspense for the discerning viewers who know the pattern – announcers never accurately announce a finish ahead of time. Rey predictably kicked out, much to Cole’s amazement. Rey fought back with an enzuigiri and then nailed the 619 at 17:30. He followed up with a West Coast Pop, but Chavo blocked it and went to a single leg crab for a near submission at 17:45. Rey struggled toward the bottom rope, but Chavo yanked him back to the middle. Rey, though, did make it to the bottom rope at 18:45. Rey countered a Gorybomb attempt and rolled through into a victory roll for a three count.
WINNER: Mysterio at 19:45.
-They went to the hot tub with Kidman, Funaki, Spike Dudley, and Torrie Wilson. The men argued about who would have beat Rey. Torrie stood up and said she needed to get ready for her match with Sable. Funaki looked at Torrie as she left and said, “God bless America.” Kidman tried to mask his pride.
4 — BILLY GUNN vs. KENZO SUZUKI (w/Miramoko)
Kenzo went into a nerve hold a couple minutes into the match. His facial expressions didn’t make the lack of movement in the ring interesting. There was a small “USA, USA” chant. This is really inexcusably insulting to think fans in this era want to watch this style wrestling. It’s damaging to business, too. Gunn scored a two count at 5:00 with a roll-up out of nowhere, but Suzuki took Gunn down with a ridgehand, then tried to find new ways to be boring, so he just stood there and watched Gunn get up really slowly. He hit a vertical suplex for a two count, then went to a kneeling abdominal stretch. Tazz seemed to be giving up at this point in even trying to pretend this was a good match. Cole, as usual, called it with the same consistent emotion as he calls all matches, without any sense that he can tell what is good or not good. Gunn made a comeback at 6:30 with a burst of energy. He hit a corner splash that looked about as harmless as I’ve ever seen that move look. Suzuki then roundhouse kicked Gunn followed by a flying knee Shining Wizard style for a near fall. He then hit his lame finisher for the win. They didn’t even replay it because it looked so innocuous.
WINNER: Suzuki at 8:00.
-Heyman gave Bearer a talk backstage. Bearer looked a little too clean and well groomed. His hair was nicely combed, his shirt was white and his collar sweatless. Heyman said if Taker makes the decision to do the right thing, “Who’s to say I’ll do the right thing.” Maniacal laughter followed as Bearer struggled to get out of his gag.
5 — TORRIE WILSON vs. SABLE
At 4:30 Sable and Torrie heads and both went down hard. Torrie wanted to go after Sable, but the ref stepped in. She looked around worried, then Sable showed she was playing possum with a schoolboy with a yank of the tights for the win.
WINNER: Sable at 6:02.
-They went to Dawn Marie backstage interviewing Rene Dupree. He said the U.S. Title should be his, but as a French person, he doesn’t get upset, he gets even. Dupree told Dupree that he is a far better lover than a fighter. He then did his French tickler dance in front of her. Nunzio and Johnny Stamboli entered the picture and said if she wants to be really impressed, she should see his 15 incher. He then showed her his big boot. Nunzio tried to explain the correlation between big feet and other body parts. Dawn finally caught on and left with Nunzio. Stamboli asked Dupree if he was a size six, then laughed.
The next time anyone dares say Vince McMahon is a genius, just reflect back on this event and the talent choices and match-ups he has created. This has been the XFL of wrestling PPVs.
6 — MORDECAI vs. HARDCORE HOLLY
Holly went after Mordecai fast and hard, tying his arms up in the top and middle rope and beating on him. Mordecai bailed out to ringside. Holly followed. Mordecai rammed Holly into his staff, then threw him into the ring. Tazz thanked the U.S. servicemen for watching at over 30 USOs. Talk about a morale-killer. Showing Fahrenheit 911 to them instead might have been a bigger morale booster than this. Mordecai then went into a chinlock. Yes, a chinlock! The fans began getting restless. I don’t blame them. This is inexcusably bad. I mean, an abomination that the most well-funded, hugely profitable wrestling company is presenting this stretch of wrestling action. At 4:30 Holly fought back with some clotheslines and then a top rope flying something for a near fall that, of course, nobody popped for because there was no chance Holly was winning. Holly gave Mordecai an inverted DDT for another two count. Mordecai then gave Holly a driving edge finisher for the win. Cole called it a “huge win” for Mordecai, as usual sounding completely clueless about any context for wins and losses.
WINNER: Mordecai at 6:29.
7 — EDDIE GUERRERO vs. BRADSHAW — WWE Hvt. Title match
They set up lights in each corner that lit up every time one was touched to help make it clear when someone would be on the verge of touching the fourth post to win. They also announced that if anyone detached themselves from the bullrope, they’d be DQ’d. Bradshaw dominated early, choking Guerrero with the rope and hitting him with the cowbell. Bradshaw hung Guerrero upside down in the corner and then went to ringside and wrapped the rope around his neck and pulled on it. Cole said, “Eddie Guerrero may be in trouble, he may be turning red.” I’d get on Cole’s case, but I don’t think any announcer in history could make this card seem exciting. I’m shocked he’s still got any will left to live at this point. You can tell Tazz barely does anymore because unlike Cole, he’s a genuine fan of wrestling who has seen great shows before so he has something to compare it to. Bradshaw set up a powerbomb on the announcers’ table, but Guerrero tripped Bradshaw and took over control at 6:30. Guerrero yanked Bradshaw into the ringpost, then hit him with a chairshot. Bradshaw began bleeding and the crowd woke up for the first time in over an hour. Back in the ring Guerrero touched three corners, but Bradshaw blocked the fourth touch. The ref then reset the lights once the momentum was stopped. Bradshaw surprised Guerrero with a DDT at 11:30. Guerrero fought back with a couple yanks of the bullrope between his legs. He then hit a top rope Frog Splash. Guerrero easily touched three corners, but Bradshaw rolled to ringside, taking away the slack necessary to hit the fourth turnbuckle. Guerrero rammed Bradshaw’s head into the steel stairs at ringside. He then yanked Bradshaw back up to the ring apron, but when he set up a suplex, Bradshaw KO’d him with the belt. Bradshaw then threw Guerrero onto the announce table at ringside. Guerrero bounced and fell to the floor. Bradshaw then powerbombed Guerrero onto the table, and the table finally gave out at 16:30. Bradshaw came within a few inches of touching the fourth corner to win the match, but Guerrero, like a scene out of battle of the network stars, tug-o-wared Bradshaw back to mid-ring and then gave him a low-blow with the bell. He whipped Bradshaw several times with the rope and bell. (He actually more so whipped the mat just past Bradshaw, but we’ll look past that.) Bradshaw and Guerrero began each touching each other, and it was 3-3 with Bradshaw working his way to the fourth. Guerrero yanked Bradshaw away from the corner. One slip and we’d have an unplanned title change. Guerrero whipped Bradshaw with the bell and then rammed into Bradshaw. Bradshaw went back-first into the corner, and then Guerrero hit the fourth turnbuckle himself with his hand. Kurt Angle came out and said he wasn’t out there due to a personal vendetta, but he wanted to be sure the right decision was made. They replayed the finish, showing that Bradshaw’s shoulder and back touched the turnbuckle before his hand. He said as a result, Bradshaw is the new WWE Champion. Guerrero collapsed in the corner, saddened by what just happened. A bloody Bradshaw celebrated with the belt. Cole and Tazz said it was the right call. Guerrero soaked up some cheers and “Eddie, Eddie” chants.
WINNER: Bradshaw at 21:11 to capture the WWE Title.
8 — UNDERTAKER vs. BUBBA RAY & D-VON DUDLEY (w/Paul Heyman) — Cement Crypt match
They showed Paul Bearer locked in the glass box above the ring. Paul Heyman demonstrated the contraption by pouring some cement into the box. Bubba then demanded that Undertaker do the right thing and “lay down.” Taker laid down, but then reached up and grabbed both Dudleys by their throats. Heyman said, “That is not doing the right thing.” The Dudleys doubled on Taker. Taker took control at 2:15 at ringside. Taker walked the top rope and was going to come down with a forearm on D-Von, so Heyman poured more cement into the box. It increased up to his chest. Bearer moaned. Heyman told Taker not to test him again. When D-Von charged Taker, Taker gave him a big boot. Bubba made the save. Taker fought back quickly and then bailed out of the ring and headed toward Heyman and Bearer. Heyman told him to stop or he’d pull the lever. The Dudleys attacked Taker from behind. Bubba then walked up to Heyman and told him not to pull the lever again. He said, “Let us take out the Undertaker, then you can finish off Paul Bearer.” Heyman agreed. The Dudleys then began following regular tag rules, tagging in and out, taking turns beating on Taker. Cole said the cement was up to Bearer’s chin, but didn’t specify which one. Bubba dropped onto Taker’s head the “huge, heavy wooden board” (Cole’s words) that makes up the top of WWE’s breakaway announcer tables. Cole said, “There will be headlines all over the world about this night. We will not forget the Great American Bash.” That was a line fed to Cole straight out of Vince McMahon’s mouth through the headset. Ugh! Cole began talking about how the cement must be hardening by now. They hadn’t shown Bearer in a while, but his ability to breath should have been an issue at this point. When Taker made a comeback, D-Von took him down with a low blow. The Dudleys took Taker down with a back suplex/neckbreaker combination. Heyman walked to ringside with an urn. Taker sat up. Heyman got wide-eyed and held up the urn to try to control or distract Taker. Taker chokeslammed Bubba and then gave D-Von the Tombstone for the clean win. Heyman told Taker he thought they had an understanding, but now he’s going to have to finish off Paul Bearer. When he went to the lever, a lightning bolt struck in the arena and the lights went out briefly. Taker walked up to Bearer, who had a smile on his face and said, “Save me.” Taker then knelled in front of Bearer. Cole said that’s what should happen, Taker bowing not at the urn, but to Bearer. Taker’s music played. The crowd was silent, having no idea what was going on. Taker then stood up and walked to the lever. Taker looked pensive, then said into the house mic, “Paul, I have no other choice. Rest in peace.” He then pulled the lever as Cole and Tazz panicked. Then they went to a pretape of a dummy in a Bearer wig being covered over the head in cement, then they ended the show.
WINNER: Undertaker at 14:38.
Source: Wade Keller
|What did you think of Great American Bash?
Thumbs Up – 15%
Thumbs In the middle – 10%
Thumbs Down – 32%
Didn’t See It – 43%