May 31, 2010 - by Steve Gerweck
Sunday, May 5th in London, England
From Earls Court in London, WWF Insurrextion exploded live on Pay-Per-View in the United Kingdom!
As the show kicked off, Commissioner William Regal told Mr. McMahon that the entire card for Insurrextion had been changed! As Regal informed Mr. McMahon of the changes, the irate Federation chairman demanded to know why Regal had changed the card. The commissioner said that he hadn’t made the changes — Linda McMahon had! Mr. McMahon said he was tired of his wife’s meddling, and then Linda walked in! She said that Vince may act in the interest of fairness, but she acts in the interest of World Wrestling Federation fans!
Vince asked if she had also changed the main event — which he had made a Handicap Match for the Federation Championship pitting Stone Cold Steve Austin and Triple H against the Undertaker. Linda said she was going to change it — but the Undertaker had asked her not to! After Linda left, the Federation chairman mocked his wife, and then asked Regal about the foot-and-mouth disease he had heard about in the U.K. Regal told him it was bloody awful!
The first match on Insurrextion pitted Grand Master Sexay against Eddie Guerrero, as Michael Cole and Paul Heyman welcomed fans from ringside! Early on, Eddie put on Sexay’s glasses to mock the hip-hop superstar. Moments later, Eddie even danced a bit for the London crowd! Sexay soon knocked Latino Heat down and went for the Hip Hop Drop — but missed. Moments later, Eddie rolled up Sexay and put his feet on the ropes. That was enough to score a pinfall, giving Latino Heat the win!
Backstage, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley asked Triple H how he could be so calm after all the Taker had done to him and Austin. The Game promised that the Taker would take his last ride in England.
Perry Saturn, Dean Malenko and Terri were scheduled to meet Hardcore, Crash and Molly Holly in six-person intergender action, but Terri said the match would only be a regular tag match, since she couldn’t find any wrestling gear in England! But as the bell rang, Molly went right after Terri and threw her around like a rag doll! The men got into it for a little while, but Terri and Molly soon wound up going at it once again. In the melee, Perry Saturn pinned Crash with a fisherman’s suplex.
Back in the commissioner’s office, Regal spoke to his uncle on the phone, and said there was no way that the fans would cheer Chris Jericho over him in his home country.
The match between the Big Show and Test had to be canceled due to an injury to Test, but that didn’t stop the Show from heading down to the ring! The 7-footer grabbed a microphone and said he didn’t come all the way to England for nothing. He said he knew Test’s ribs were hurt, but said that Test was actually suffering from “yellow-itis” — meaning Test was a coward with no backbone! Show challenged Test to come to the ring and to raise his hand victorious!
The Show continued his verbal assault on Test — and soon, Test hobbled down to the ring, still clearly suffering from injured ribs. An irate Test got in the ring, and the Big Show started hammering on him. Test battled back, but the Show targeted Test’s ribs. The Show hit the Final Cut on Test, and after referees pulled him away from Test, the Show grabbed the mic and said that this was just another example of how there was no one on the planet who could stop him one-on-one.
As the Show walked back to the locker room, all of a sudden Bradshaw met him on the ramp! The mighty Texas slugged it out with the 7-foot monster, and when the action spilled into the ring, the referee called for the bell to start the match! As Show and Bradshaw fought inside the ring, EMTs came to ringside to help Test back to the locker room. Show soon went for the chokeslam, but Bradshaw blocked it by hanging onto the top rope. An angry Show shoved down the ref and threw a chair into the ring. Show went after Test, attacking him as the EMTs tried to lead him away.
In the ring, Show went to hit Test with a chair, but Test blocked it, kicking it in the monster’s face. Bradshaw then hit the Clothesline from Hell and pinned the Big Show to pick up the win!
Coach interviewed Stone Cold Steve Austin, whose left eye was severely cut up from being thrown through a window by the Undertaker on SmackDown! Austin said that the Taker was stupid for requesting a match against the Two-Man Power Trip. The Rattlesnake said he felt sorry that the Undertaker’s career had to end in a crappy country like England.
In a four-team elimination match, Edge & Christian met up with the Dudleys, the Hardys and X-Factor. X-Factor was the first team eliminated when Jeff Hardy pinned X-Pac following a Swanton Bomb. Moments later, the Hardys were eliminated when Christian pinned Jeff following the Unprettier. The Dudleys and E&C battled it out to be the final team — and Bubba soon told D-Von to get the table! E&C broke that up though, and moments later, the ref was distracted, and Rhyno came into the ring and gored Bubba Ray! E&C then picked up the easy pinfall to win the match! After the match, Rhyno brought the table into the ring, but Spike Dudley ran down to help out his brothers! The Dudleys then gave Rhyno a 3-D through the table!
Coach interviewed Kurt Angle, asking about his two-out-of-three falls match against Chris Benoit. Angle complained that Benoit had stolen his gold medals, and said that after he defeated Benoit twice, he would take back his medals and put them back around his neck.
Suddenly, Steven Richards and Ivory of the Right to Censor walked to the ring. Steven told the crowd they should be ashamed of themselves, and that what was going on in England was wrong. He said that England was about Big Ben and the London Bridge, not naked breasts being shown in their newspaper, which was sold to children! Steven said that he would be their Winston Churchill, fighting for them and their children.
Steven said he had spoken to Commissioner Regal, who had allowed him to censor the Women’s Battle Royal. Steven announced that the Battle Royal was canceled. He asked Jacqueline, Trish and Lita to come out and show that they had changed their ways.
Ivory grabbed the mic and said she was the only woman fit for royalty. She called the women “street-corner slappers,” and told Steven she thought she was wasting time with this trash. But as Ivory and Steven embraced, Jackie attacked from behind, and soon the fight was on! Moments later, Ivory had been stripped to her bra and bloomers!
Steven couldn’t believe that the fans were cheering for that. Trish then approached Steven and said it must be hard for him to be in control all of the time, but not to worry, because he was in good hands. She then gave him a low blow, and the three women stripped Steven down, and Lita gave him a moonsault!
Next up was the two-out-of-three falls match between Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit. As Angle walked to the ring, he said he was losing his patience with Benoit, and demanded that Benoit give him back his gold medals. Benoit said that the medals were in a very safe and warm place. Benoit picked up the win in the first fall, pinning Angle after a vicious top-rope diving headbutt. In the second fall, Benoit pinned Angle with a small package. The Wolverine defeated the Olympic Hero in two straight falls! After the bout, Angle was in tears — both because he lost, and because he still didn’t know where his medals were. Benoit then showed Angle where the gold medals had been the whole time — down the Wolverine’s trunks!
Backstage, the Two-Man Power Trip talked strategy about the Undertaker. The Rattlesnake then called his wife, Debra, over and asked for some water. Triple H also asked for some water, and Stephanie asked for some tea. Debra said she wasn’t a waiter, and that Austin and Triple H had better talk strategy, because Taker was dangerous.
The Queen’s Cup was on the line when Chris Jericho met William Regal. The commissioner was amazed that he was booed in his home country! The two went at it with fists and fire until Y2J won the match — and the Queen’s Cup — by forcing Regal to tap out to the Walls of Jericho! After the bout, as Jericho celebrated, Regal attacked him from behind and destroyed the Queen’s Cup!
The main event at Insurrextion was a Handicap Match pitting the Undertaker against Stone Cold Steve Austin and Triple H, with Austin’s Federation Championship on the line. As the match began, the Taker grabbed a steel chair from ringside, hoping to use it as an equalizer. But Austin and Triple H surrounded the Taker and double-teamed him. The Taker fought back, trying to isolate the men from each other.
The Dead Man knocked the Rattlesnake down on the ramp, and then went old-school on the Game in the ring. When Austin finally got back in the ring, Taker set him up for a chokeslam, but the numbers game was too much, and the Taker just couldn’t gain control. As Stephanie distracted the referee, Austin crushed a steel chair across the Undertaker’s head. But the Dead Man kicked out of the pinfall at two! The Power Trip continued to wear down the Dead Man, but the Undertaker kept roaring back. As the action spilled outside the ring, the Undertaker chokeslammed Triple H through the announcer’s table!
Now the match was down to the Dead Man and the Rattlesnake. The Taker — who was bleeding profusely from the ear — hit Austin with a chokeslam, but somehow the Game got up and saved Austin! Triple H then went for the Pedigree, but Taker slingshotted the Game into Austin.
With the three men down, Mr. McMahon strolled to ringside. The Federation chairman brought a chair into the ring, but as he went to hit Taker, he accidentally hit Triple H! The Taker then chokeslammed Mr. McMahon and Triple H, and then pinned the Game to win the match! But because Undertaker had pinned the Game, the Rattlesnake kept his Federation Championship!
Covered in blood, the Undertaker celebrated his win as Insurrextion went off the air!